WARNING: THE FOLLOWING HYBRID SPAWN OF LIFEHACKER-STYLE ADVICE AND PSYCHOLOGICAL ANALYSIS MAY BE NSFW, DEPENDING ON YOUR PROFESSION!
 

I'm sure some of you are familiar with Danny the "Tourettes Guy", whose antics have been watched millions of times webwide. Controversy abounds over whether he's faking it or not, but as you know, I focus on the positive — and having been a fan of his (though not necessarily approving of his outrageous behavior) for awhile, I'm sharing a list of meaningful lessons I've learned from him.

If you're not yet familiar with Danny's canon of work, watch a compilation and read on:

10. Don't waver. Make it clear where you stand. In a world of wobbly politicians and words puffed up to have more importance than actions, Danny is terse, oftentimes curt, occasionally ambiguous, but always forthright. For example, take this quote of his:

"Pissing out the window and shitting out the window are two different things!"

While one can tenuously argue the validity of this statement, Danny says it with conviction, which means you can trust him to have a consistent opinion about how he sees the world. Such an admirable trait, even if expressed disagreeably, is important to your personal development and character-building.
  

9. Being drunk is BAD. In numerous videos, Danny is shown consuming alcohol in tandem with hostile behavior. In one episode, he's even shown buying beer from the store, going so far as to firmly declare:

"Don't put the beer back."

when he's short on cash at the checkout.

Casual drinking may be okay, but all too often, drinking leads to drunkenness, which results in embarrassing behavior, ill health, and even gruesome death. Also notice Danny is never shown driving while drunk — he may be ornery, but he's not DUMB AS SHIT!
 

8. Uniform (appropriate attire) is important. Chicks dig men in uniform. And while Danny isn't a conventional ladies' man, his blue Tony the Tiger T-shirt coupled with his neck brace and Lenscrafters glasses make him easily recognizable. Why is this? Think about how other authority figures like police officers and soldiers dress: humans are visually-oriented and how you dress says a lot about who you are, what you're doing, and what you stand for. It's certainly true for Danny. Being in uniform also helps boost morale. (This isn't true for Danny.)

Even at a job without an enforced dress code (as I happen to have), being garbed in something that makes you feel good, whatever that is, can help you be more productive. I've certainly found this true of my colorful Thai silk shirts.
 

7. It's important to be a good parent. One of the reasons why my bro and I cracked up so hard upon watching Tourettes Guy is because we instantly realized how much he's like our late Dad: when we behaved badly, our pop would glare at us with a scowl that would make a Klingon piss his knickers, and growl, "SHIT YOU!" Our Dad hardly got into booze like Danny, but he cared a lot about us, and was tough on discipline. Curiously, my Dad never spanked me with a belt, but did spank me with his pants (don't ask me how that works).

Now, I'm more emotionally sympathetic than my Dad, but recognizing his tough upbringing, I can understand why he was so harsh at times. We don't need to scream at our kids like Tourettes Guy, because some of that is just abusive, but we do need to communicate our values to our children and show them what we expect of them, minimizing the likelihood of the next generation repeating our mistakes.
 

6. Mowing the lawn is a waste of time. As shown midway through this classic episode, Danny is found spotted outside on the grass, where he waves his arm frantically, as if to swat an annoying insect (guess he wasn't wearing repellent). Moment later, he belts out a pained cry of "BOB SAGET!" (a family-friendly curse), then "AH SHIT!" (which isn't so rated-G), then "GOD DAMNIT!" (which definitely isn't fit for church!) — all while scurrying with startling agility towards his house.

The important takeaway here is: mowing the lawn is a waste of time when you have so many more important things to do. Bug bites suck. Mowing a noisy activity too, damaging to one's ears, so if you must do it, wear hearing protection. Better yet, your actionable alternatives are:

1. Don't mow the lawn, grow wildflowers. (May not be an option depending where you live.)
2. Import goats. (Could get messy, I can't recommend this.)
3. Pay someone to mow the lawn for you. (Realistic and often affordable.)

 
5. Promote yourself naturally, despite setbacks. I don't mean like a whore, but like a demented Forrest Gump, Danny's mannerisms and simple observations have founded a comedy goldmine of t-shirts and more merchandise. I just hope he's being amply rewarded.

Selling or promoting yourself, aka "tooting your own horn", is important to getting noticed in many fields of work & play. Whether you're pushing a resume or trying to attract the mate of your dreams, "standing out" is vital. Being human — being an individual, yet not wanting to be alienated — is hard, isn't it? Especially because we live in an age suspicious of PR stunts and other fabricated attention-getters.

Well, have heart because Danny is clearly watched and adored by many, in spite of his casual vocal outbursts and other quirks. Heck, there's even a Second Life avatar based on him! Danny might not be consciously confident, but he certainly oozes personality, even if it comes with too much "tit dirt" sometimes.

Also consider how many obstacles Danny's run into, such as the bird that flew into his house — and what we see on film is likely only a small fraction of what's been recorded. And yet, since 2004, he keeps on going, outliving countless other Internet fads that've come and gone. Persistence is key.
  

4. Nourish your childlike innocence. Verily, it is a tragedy that people are depressed because life sucks. But even Danny, who groused over his existence as "living in a hell hole", doesn't let that impede his pure view of the world.

First, it takes a lot of BALLS for a grown man to wear a Tony the Tiger T-Shirt. What's wrong with it? Absolutely nothing, it's a colorful and fun garment. Some people, who're really hatin' on themselves, will mock it as being less fashionable than it actually is, and that exaggerated, perceived importance on A FUCKING SHIRT FOR CRYING OUT LOUD is the true stupidity in this world.

Furthermore, Danny enjoys Disney movies like The Lion King, and in an observation most jaded people wouldn't even begin to consider, he spontaneously rebukes and grounds his disrespectful son for failing to consider the garbage disposal sound's similarity to "CHEWBACCA TAKING A SHIT". If my son were that cloudy-minded, I'd ground him too!
 

3. Be open to possibilities, yet assertive about boundaries. In this world, the "freedom of choice" sounds liberating, but too many choices are stressful. A "paradox of choice", as Barry Schwartz riffs on Tofflerian futurology. Few companies like Apple exemplify how important this is.

In Danny's case, even while audibly upset, he considers the possibilities:

"SUCK MY DICK… OR COCK!"

While the words may be unpleasantly threatening, this approach is far wiser than being paralyzed and not making a decision. So the next time you find yourself in a hard situation and think it's hopeless, remember, there are always different ways to look at the same problem, and they may help you get traction for solving it. But at the same time, as illustrated by several of the reasons above, be willing to share what your boundaries are, and where you won't go:

Danny (talking on the phone): The doctor doesn't need to know about that. DON'T YOU EVER TALK ABOUT MY DICK WITHOUT MY PERMISSION! 

 
2. Be a memorable conversationalist. In this day and age, there's no end of notable quotables on the Internet; from the IMDB to bash.org to Wikiquote, humankind's greatest quips are preserved for posterity. Using well-placed quotes can help energize your social life so you aren't a bore, and Danny's a ghetto-Zen-monk-meets-party-superstar without even realizing it.

This is perhaps best demonstrated by this Tourettes Guy soundboard, altho as my wife pointed out, it's curiously missing Danny's shower-addled call to his ex-wife, "SHIRLENA!?" Which brings me to the #1 reason how Tourettes Guy can help you live a better life…
 

1. Use love to make the world a better place. I can say it no better than his words to Shirlena:

"BITCH…