Life's complicated. There're enough problems you have to deal with, so why invent more?

Just about everyone has experienced some form of criticism: you don't need to be a Hollywood star(let) who's regularly torn down by trash tabloids. You may have a nagging mother-in-law (really), there may be a bully at your workplace, or you may find it difficult to be creative because some lamer keeps posting "OMG UR GAY" on your YouTube page and you are homosexual, but not in an insulting way!

Well, don't worry: the only criticism that matters is that which makes you better.

This is more specific than so-called "constructive criticism", because with most suggestions that could improve your life, you'll never really apply. And what good is floating theory in a world of experiences yearning to be lived? Not much.

You can afford to be selective, like a grand time out at the buffet bar, and like filtering spam, there's a certain selective process involving what you do next with the critical words that come your way (since criticism at its base is almost always written or spoken, hardly ever pantomimed or Seurat-ed). Learn to distinguish what's useful — criticism that makes you better — from wasted words, and your life will be happier. Mine certainly is.

Here's some simple tips you can apply everyday:

 
1. CHOP THE SLOP! - Immediately delete "criticism" that contain personal attacks and stupid vitriol. Are you worried you might miss something important? If someone really wanted you to listen, they'd have enough control over themselves to be civil — remember, not having such self-restraint is a sign of weakness. In the slim event that there is something of worth amidst the toxic sewage, chances are someone else will tell you about the same thing, but in a more effective way. This has been true in 99.9% of my experiences.

 
2. Don't worry about replying to slop, either - Really.

 
3. Fold paragraphs into sentences, sentences into key words - Just as folding space saves time in scifi novels, so does skimming blocks of text to pull out what's most important. This takes ongoing practice to hone your skills, but if you're regularly exposed to criticism (e.g., your job is customer support), you should be able to extract precise things to act on from wordy rambling. Don't waste time reading multi-page letters in their entirety unless they could hardly be tersified further. The most complex ideas can be summarized for a child's short attention span, and if you do need to understand better, a quick email reply asking "Can you please sum this up?" is good. If the other party is offended, let them be: odds are they're poor at effectively communicating their ideas, and they need to better themselves.

 
4. Does the critic have both their and your best interests at heart? - In other words, are they pointing out something they'd like to see improved, so not only will they benefit, you will too? If this sounds strange, remember that some people have built a career out of tearing down others (compounded by being sponsored by advertisers), and you don't want to contribute to that. Backhand compliments are no good, and should be discarded in favor of earnest kindness. Sometimes, "win-win" also has the added effect of validation — someone externally confirming what you internally believe — but don't let that ever be your only reason for doing something, as it may skewed and inaccurate. Like, your Mom may love your guitar playing, but get some other opinions before you decide to embark on a rock music career.

 
5. Bypass vocal complainers for "island advisers" - Just like some people are prone to exude goodwill and cheer, other people unfortunately don't behave much like people at all, redundantly complaining and personally attacking others — and by the way, that's not criticism, that's crap. And like feces, flush it down the toilet of your mind's eye, and invest your energy in what betters you, namely: engaging useful people who'd speak up, if only they were asked. For instance, my brother is reticent to suggest how I might be a better bro, but if I ask for his opinion, he'll open up and give it to me. Some people, because of their unique personality, need to be coaxed. How can you tell? Well, by "island adviser", I don't mean they're — they're out there. More accurately, they may be passively sharing ideas (like on a blog or amongst friends) about you or a product/service you're involved with, but are shy to write directly… and their efforts are going unresponded to. Don't let that gold sink under the radar! While you can't reply to everyone (I know this all too well), it pays to thank your supporters who have your best interests at heart — as emphasized above — and let them know not only are you paying attention, you're doing something about it. Not just one step, but a continual process of dialog resulting in good stuff getting done, and that's how meaningful relationships evolve.

Don't let the broken, squeaky wheels get the grease; save the grease for when your island advisers need a boost: use them in the best of ways, give them a voice! Empowering them builds trust that you value their opinion, confidence in what you do, and all-round awesomeness. And in time, they'll become less remote to participating in your activity. The negativity-laden will ultimately need to fix themselves, as their problems transcend their complaints. Whether in personal or in business relationships, you're not responsible for correcting this. You can write advice columns (as I do) and live by example, but don't give the whiners overstep boundaries and tax you: bad behavior should not be rewarded, which is another strong reason for celebrating island advisers — they're your stars.

Of course, there may be economical considerations which affect you who spend time on, like how much someone is paying you, but that never gives someone the right to be a jerk, whether it's to your face or behind your back. Likely, dumping those difficult-to-deal with customers, as Sprint and Tim Ferriss have done, will free you up to deal with nicer people.

 
6. Care about the people who care about you - This is somewhat of a recapitulation of the above, yet it needs to be emphasized: don't ignore the people who do you good. All too often, I've known of sad spouses who sat alone while their "significant" other was posting nested rebuttals while engaging in foolish arguments on an Internet forum! How depressing is that? The problem is, like other unhealthy vices that do you harm, getting out of arguments that came about due to worthless criticism is hard. Your ego may be at stake, you may feel you have something to prove, and any thought of how empty this will look in a day, a week… even a year are blinded by heated emotions.

By anchoring yourself to happiness, it makes it a lot harder to get lost in "dark territory", aka "the land of mudslinging and flamewars". If you find it difficult to avoid slipping into "blahblahblah wordwars", keep a box of clippings nearby — either virtual or physical — and fill it with things you love. These will be your anchors. Mine has pictures of my wife, and praise + suggestions about my accomplishment. Yours, too, should at least have memorables of loved ones and recognition for your achievements.

I can't understate the value of treating your fans well. Depending on your vocation, you may see yourself as "just another cog in a big machine", but you're not: if you have people who like you and what you do, be sure to let them know you appreciate them telling you, and are open to suggestions that'll help them like you even more. Even if you can't reply to each and everyone individually, use the Internet to shoutout a "THANKS!" I often do it because I feel incredibly grateful and blessed that someone took their time to let me know.

 
7. Is the critic saying something you've never heard before? - This is especially meaningful if you've heard as wide a palette of criticism as I have. If you feel you don't have a lot of experience, you'll get more by the very nature of being alive, especially if you're exposed to work/life situations where criticism comes in by the bucketloads.

After awhile, the opinions of many people will start to look very similar, or even the same. This doesn't mean it's without worth, and may point to popular trends that require improvement. Good, the masses have established that — but don't miss the keen insight of a solitary voice that sees what you're doing in a way no one else does. Sure, each person is different, but some are more different than others, and rare people have an aptitude for fresh approaches to existing problems and a foresight for future value. They can be very good to you, and if so, be very good to them. Learn from them.

And if it's one person repeatedly complaining about the same thing and not taking steps to get out of the mudhole or assist you in resolving their issue, be supportive, open yourself to their questions so you may give advice without being pushy. But if they continue to be an emotional drain on you weeks later, gradually minimize their time in your life. You are too good to live under the shadow of someone else's self-defeat.

 
8. Is the critic saying something you've heard before? And if so, is it actionable? - Let's use this example: a movie theater has a hard-to-open door that goes unnoticed by the staff for weeks. Most people put up with it and complain at the entrance, but one person writes in a firm-yet-polite comment card that makes it clear to the employees: this is the kind of stuff you need to pay attention to, potentially easy-to-fix problems that are dependent on you merely knowing about them. Such a customer should also be thanked resoundingly! People like that, like island advisers but bolder, are comparatively scarce. I think it's in part because they aren't followed up enough with so they get discouraged about reporting stuff that could make a positive difference for many.

I turn the lights on for them, because they deserve to shine.

By "actionable", I mean something that's ready to be done. Preferably taking a small amount of time in comparison with the gains it nets you. Time-consuming for small results? Almost always never worth it… don't feel guilty, think of everything else you want and need to accomplish! If you're not sure of this "something"'s value, discuss it briefly with a couple people you can count on, and if it's still unclear, file it to do "someday maybe" — stuff you could and should gets to soon often makes itself pretty evident, while larger projects can be organized a little later. When I'm time-crushed at work, the most important stuff stands out and all the rest falls away.

 
9. Diversify your followup - I get many wonderful suggestions about the work I do which, quite frankly:

1. Contradicts each other were it to be done simultaneously, and
2. Makes it challenging to respond in a single way.

So, human experience has established "you can't please everyone all the time" and warns about being "spread too thin". My method? I'm more of an AND person than an OR person. Thus, I've composed fast, brash dancefloor thrillers and slow, mellow piano etudes in response to feedback. I've made texture graphics with splashes of watermelon, and many without for general-purpose usage. I've produced video tutorials where I talk very quickly, and others (oriented towards new users) where I'm more paced — this allows me to have a cohesive theme while experimenting and engaging what comes up next. My writings also reflect my eagerness to explore.

I've felt freer about taking risks after eventually realizing that with most things you can do in a life well-lived, you'll get a 2nd, 3rd, 4th, etc. chance and it won't be the "end of the world". A lot of stuff matters less in hindsight than it does when it's a coming event, and that includes criticism: harsh words can sting hot off the press, but let them fall away, and you'll wonder why you even cared. You shouldn't, because your time, your energy, your resources are limited and you want to make the best of them.

 
10. Have a "followup megaphone" - It's not enough to be the change… often, you need to be your own best advocate. Prime purpose: make it clear not only are you listening, you're doing something about the worthy criticism you've received, encouraging the "Positive Inspiration Loop" (PIL) to grow. It's a constant dilemma though, because talking about what you're doing is time not spent on what you're doing. Allocate a small-but-effective buffer of time to sharing progress made, whether it's a phone call to a stakeholder or an announcement about company policy changes, and consider other communication mediums to make things more fast and fun: most people talk faster than they type, so a podcast or videoblog may be in order — it serves the dual purpose of being tech-savvy.

Also consider how many people you're reaching with the moments you put in: a message is useless if it's not seen, and to a greater degree, understood. I generally favor public articles over personal emails about the same topic, as one-to-many communication just doesn't scale, and if it's posted on the Internet, it can later be searched. There are times when a 1-to-1 communique is needed, but don't confuse those with:

"Hey, I'm getting a lot of questions about this topic. Instead of trying to respond piecemeal, I should make a FAQ and update it as-needed!"

 
If you're doing something worth doing and living your life's dreams, there'll always be someone who complains about it. That in itself doesn't matter, but how you deal with criticism does.

Hopefully, the above will help you distinguish between useless redundancy and criticism which makes you better — as well as what to do with it.