Time

Posted on: June 28, 2004
No comments yet
"You were everything, everything that I wanted
We were meant to be, supposed to be, but we lost it
All of the memories, so close to me, just fade away
All this time you were pretending
So much for my happy ending"
-the sage lyrics of Avril Lavigne
?
I know there are times when someone can be too sad. I am sad right now. Not the saddest.?But can anyone really be too happy? (I was reading this incredibly sad news story about a teen's suicide.) What brings out the monster in a good person? Over the years, I have come to accept all human languages as horribly flawed but awfully useful. Words are like rough building blocks — perhaps like LEGO (TM) — but they cannot form some shapes like smooth circles unless you take one of those "rare parts" I so vividly recall finding in some of the more expensive sets like the outer space ones. Somewhat like computer pixels, there is a minimum level of precision and then there comes the jagginess of quantization. So, you'll always make generalizations. Unless you choose to use really big words and loooong sentences, in which case there's always something you can elaborate on. There's always an open opportunity for loopholes to be found, and thus, the argument is never airtight. *sighs*
?
Such is the case with debates. I appreciate being polite but firm, with open,?healthy?communication. I have seen more than my unhealthy amount of them, and I see the same negativity *REDUNDANTLY* repeated time and time again. Why do humans hate so much? I just don't get it. And then it turns into personal attacks, and from there, a lot of people are hurt. Sometimes, even physically. It happens time and time again. Time may not be a loop and we may not all be stuck in something akin to the "fruit loop" of Stargate SG-1's "Window of Opportunity" (my favorite episode, BTW), but all of us have repeated behavior we wish we hadn't. I know I have. Redundancy comes in handy when you're making backups of precious work, but for the most part, I loathe and shun the squeaky R because I've really heard it all before and it serves no positive purpose towards helping humans live happier, healthier lives (alliteration there?). I can't lay claim to having heard "everything under the sun" as far as technopolitics is involved (somewhat contradicting what I said in the preceeding sentence, but I am full of contradictions), but more times than I can count I know it's not just deja vu.
?
It would be boring to be an emotionless robot I think, so conflict is a necessary part of drama. But I'd like to save the bulk of that for art on screen or on paper or other media — even dissonance in organized sound — and believe that we can learn something from art and that we can live actual better lives. Too pragmatic? Yes, that's me. I'm unabashedly bold in my wanting people to be happier. My brain is just sorted this particular way, and simple delights like inflatable furniture and chewing on mushrooms thrills me to no end. In a little while, I am planning to have raspberries with Cool Whip as a snack.
?
It's funny how we ended up here. Life is full of surprises. Sometimes I wonder if I had gone back in time and interacted with X person or Y animal differently, how different would things be now. Or would they be the same? Of course they'd be the same if I had no knowledge of the prior event. But just like two of my favorite topics, time travel & alternative universes, it makes me nutty and I have to really laugh at the delightfully twisted ""logic"' (double quotation marks there) of it all. I'm beginning to read Stephen King's memoir on writing ATM. Very nice stuff, I like his insight into his youth. He seems to remember a lot. I remember bits and pieces, most of them are what I'd consider to be normal for me but in retrospect I can truely (is how I spell it) say I am grateful for the life I have lived thus far, and X-tremely (annoying spelling I know) thankful for my famfriends in life. I don't make a differentiation between family & friends after a point because who you know, you know. And who you like, you like. Even moreso for LOVE (three-humped heart, biotch!). Hopefully this is mutual, and hopefully it extends for many years. Times change, people die, but you remember what's good about life despite all the stuff you have to put up with. I don't remember very much, but this I do.
?
Think I'll call it a night. After the Cool Whip?and raspberries. ;)

I just have this craving…

Posted on: June 26, 2004
No comments yet
to create. And it's hard right now because I've been taking it easy for the last few days, not really being able to do too much because of my ears. So I'm in a slackin' sort of phase right now. I've been thinking of doing some more visual art, but something tells me that this is going to overlap too much with what my brother Merritt is doing and?I don't want to step on his proverbial toes (his real ones are a different story) :). I think I've gotten in enough trouble with him for calling him Daniel Jackson, as in the Stargate SG-1 character, primarily because of his haircut but also because of the way he adjusts his glasses. I think he will be getting a haircut soon at this new shop that opened. I cut my own hair, I do it looking into a mirror.
?
I'm going for a hearing appointment soon and I'm getting anxious, so I hope something can be done about it. It's been a few weeks now and it has not improved :(
?
The other day, I had lunch with my friends, the Linemayrs. They are a wonderful, generous?family and longtime source of support of various kinds to my own family. My late Dad and Mom knew them since all us children were little, and now Karen is all grown up and married and Steven is even more enthused and punchy when it comes to a good joke than before. I like the guy, he's forthright and doesn't bullshit — tells it like it is, but at the same time, he's a really considerate, polite person. I guess that's what I aspire to be and I know sometimes I struggle, because I want to speak my mind but?I'm not terribly fond of hurting people's feelings, even inadvertently. I believe there's enough pain and suffering in the world as it stands (as I've said redundantly several times. If I hurt you, and I don't know about it, please let me know.
?
Tomorrow (which will soon become today), I'll be having dinner with Phil and Christine and their children. They just had a new baby boy. They?are very good friends of mine too, very uplifting. I like uplifting people.
?
Oh hey-o . . . Dan and Alex have launched Wrong Planet, which is "The online resource and community for those with Asperger's Syndrome". It's good stuff, I like the interface, CHECK IT OUT *excited smile*… I can't wait to see how things unfold and expand here.
?
I wonder what my next obsession will be. My ideas are stacking up too high in my head, this always happens — I wouldn't say I have a lot of ideas, which I do,?but I do know that it's like this mental tree I'm growing and I can visualize the roots and all the branches, like the many styles of electronic music. It's hard to explain, especially given my inadequacy with the written word, but I guess that's why I got into music in the first place, so I could elucidate some bits 'n' pieces of it in my own unique way. And that, I am grateful for.
?
I saw an ad banner on Yahoo! for Avril Lavigne's new video, "My Happy Ending". I don't know if she actually plays piano as shown in the vid, but if so, +1 for her. She is sexilicious, and I adore that flexible feline look she has about her, all cats-eye makeup and the toothy grrr face. I wonder if she drinks much milk? I am not as much into her music as I was in the great Lavigne phase of '01 (credit goes to Terry for getting me hooked…), but it's a great, catchy single. It seems to confuse some people that I like not only Avril AND Britney, but Hillary Duff and umpteenthloads of experimental electronic music too. Why not? I like what I like :D
?
I read new news about Prodigy's forthcoming album. Finally. Looks like this is mainly a one-Liam talent show with collaborators, I'm excited. It's been like 7-8 years since Fat of the Land, which will always remain seminal in my book. I remember hearing the opening beats of "Smack My Bitch Up" through the headphones at Tower Records, and when the beat really kicked in after the first?round o' bars, I was like… WHOA!
?
Today I was looking at the end of Stephen King's The Dark Tower, Book VI. Heck that man can spool a good yarn. I also appreciate his anti-snob attitude.
?
Got a glittery pack of notepads to put in the breast pockets of my silk shirts so I can write stuff down. I'm really absent-minded nowadays, even moreso than a few years ago, so please pardon me if you told me something REALLY important and I don't remember it. Today I wrote down:
?
StriVectin-SD
Heather Hattaway
Tom Harper - The Pagan Christ
?
In that order.
?
I think I am going to be increasingly inspired by Brian Eno circa '75 after his car accident, from which he emerged triumphant (as Stephen King?has after his run-in with?a?van)?with the word "AMBIENT" being whispered confidently over the meadows worldwide. So inspiring, a real conceptualist.
?
We'll see… hear? Or see. I may get into writing again, as I have lots of business unfinished and a lot I want to say. Art, in its myriad forms, makes me go WOW.
?

There are 23 of us now

Posted on: June 19, 2004
No comments yet
I must apologize for no updates lately?– I need to mention I have a hearing loss problem I am in the process of dealing with, as well as some other personal problems. I will return however; it seems inevitable, doesn't it? ;)
?
Today, I got a chuckle out of this:
?
?
How appropriately Goa'uld, eh? Taken from here.
?
In the meantime, I wish you good health and honorable prosperity — and stay away from loud industrial noises.

only time

Posted on: June 8, 2004
No comments yet
OH! Nice way to start the day, super genre-defiers James Holden and Petter of the Border Community galaxy?like my pianomental (read: version) of James' "Horizons". Thanks a lot to Inertia for asking about it, and conducting the whole interview.
?
?
Words don't tell the full story when it comes to music, so:
?
?
James, if it isn't okay for me to post the MP3 just let me know, you know where to find me :D
?
Apart from that, don't have a lot of spare time today — going to do a few minor tweaks to this place, watch an episode of SG-1 with my food, and then get back to work… and it's likely sleep after that. Some stuff I have to deal with in the next few days I will take care of accordingly ;)

across the universe

Posted on: June 8, 2004
No comments yet
Came back from my friend Brian's stag party. Him and Kim are going to be married soon, <3 happiness yay! So to the Nairb man, B to the rizzah,?I say p00nis. He only wishes the Canucks (as Teal'c says, "I believe the Canucks of Vancouver are superior warriors") had been in the Stanley Cup and won.?Check out his blog (it's more than that) here.
?
My memory is really beginning to fail, I forgot where I put my neon jacket. And a notebook earlier in the day. My absent mind is both a gift and a curse, but more of the former.
?
I cut my own hair the other day, as I've been doing since my Dad died (he used to cut it for me, insisting that he was the best barber for me — I do not disagree). I think it turned out really great, a bit short, but we'll see.
?
Still obsessed with Stargate SG-1, it is such an awesome show. I just watched "Chimera" on my break earlier today (have you noticed Osiris seems to be more glammy than Sarah?), and shortly I am going to watch "Upgrades". I heard there's a really funny scene involving steaks in that, but I didn't want to get too spoiled so I'm just going to have to see it for myself.
?
Still bad at classifying music as ever… I mean, I've been at this for awhile, and even I?can't tell the styles of Electronic Dance Music apart sometimes, so I leave it to the experts. I like tagging on adjectives. "Techy" is an especially, astutely cute one, especially for those CRUNCH lo-fi bitwise soundz not necessarily of the 909 kind. Oh well, I have a simple philosophy: if I listen to something and I like it, then I like it!! True, yes?
?
I am full of contradictions. I have come to embrace this, as I love many things that seem to conflict with one another. Like my Mom taught me, you don't have to hate one thing to love another, so if you can choose both (or more), then go for it. I have also taught myself: you do not know something unless you have gone through it. It can be said that you do not know what dying is like unless you have died.
?
It's getting really hot. I wish it was pleasantly cool again. Alas. I'd better be thankful for the sun, because it means that the Earth will still be around for awhile. Ya think?
?
Earlier in the day I was ruminating about the so-called "decade of excess", the 80s. Donald Trump's?meteoric time of?rising, of course.?In tandem with what I said the other day I said about pretty music, I think what I will put up next may very well be pretty and 80s-ish. In a way. It'll?be *oblique*, so don't expect anything directly parallelling new wave but something of my own doing, the Torley Touch (TM). We'll see… hear?

A brief selection of favorite Stargate SG-1 quotes…

Posted on: June 5, 2004
No comments yet
"Maybe one day you will learn that your way is not the only way."
-Antaeus (of the Nox)
?
"Your words mean nothing. Take action if you dare."
-Anubis (fallen ascendant?)
?
"What is an Oprah?"
-Teal'c (eyebrow powerlifter)
?
"I am Thor, Supreme Commander of the Asgard Fleet."
-Thor (cute alien)
?
"Oh I have not hurt you, I have only made you… BETTER!"
-Harlan (not ellison)
?
"I want to live! I want to experience the universe, and I want to eat pie!"
-Urgo (Mr. Candid Camera)
?
"KUMTRAYA!!!"
-Harlan (again)

First blog of the June

Posted on: June 4, 2004
No comments yet
Had dinner at Paul & Dana's today, it was really yummy. And that wasn't even the end of it… I think I'll eventually learn "Dutch Blitz" better. Thank you graciously, you loveful couple you!
?
Gateworld Forum is down right now… was hoping to post, damnit… KUMTRAYA!!
?
I've come up with a new acronym, OotM which stands for "Obsession(s) of the Month". I can't repress them so I might as well celebrate them. So, this month's (so far) would be Stargate SG-1.
?
If I was abducted by aliens, I would like to eat watermelons with Thor.
?
I am using Johnson's Baby Oil to lubricate a synth. An ally showed me how to do it. Not recommended for the faint of mind.
?
RMS = Root Mean Square, I'll have to remember that :)
?
A detuned saw wave is a good start. Whatever, technical mumbo jumbo.
?
One day at a time.
?
I have an urge to put up something really beautiful, sort of delicate, but by no means fragile — emphasis on "beautiful" though. So watch for that. (I'm admittedly conflicted between fast and slow.)?Thanks.