have you tilted your baby today?
Posted on: July 31, 2004No comments yet
It was recently reported in World News that Tilt test spots early Asperger's. Sounds unusually simple to me, but then again: 1) I've never been tilted, and 2) simple gets overlooked and makes easy eggs.
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One thing that's been making me angry lately, *especially* with the tragic deaths of good people in the world, is the fact that quotes like "Life life to the fullest!" are often tossed out, but who really follows that up until the next grim reminder? And then the cycle repeats. It's so REDUNDANT 
. Granted, even I need to be reminded about things like common sense (which comes to me as something extensively learned, not simple intuition), but I would think that if you're going to throw motivational catchphrases around, at least make some more effort to live up to the goodness within you and do good to others and yourself. Really, is it that hard to be nice? I don't get it.
. Granted, even I need to be reminded about things like common sense (which comes to me as something extensively learned, not simple intuition), but I would think that if you're going to throw motivational catchphrases around, at least make some more effort to live up to the goodness within you and do good to others and yourself. Really, is it that hard to be nice? I don't get it.?
I'm beginning to understand why some animal lovers are reclusive away from humanity and adore their critters so much — it's partly because of things like the aforementioned. You're nice to a fellow human being, but they just keep acting hostile and like a real jackass/bitch/[insert other insult here]. Nothing ever changes in that contour regard… nothing. Or, it gets worse.?That's pathetic and shameful. It makes me all the more thankful for people who don't bullshit their way through daily life (instead, selectively saving the B.S. for those extra special moments 
) and who honor their words. Like "I'll call you sometime" or "Live life to the fullest!" BTW, if I ever seem overly serious and take things literally, it's because I am. I'm slow in that department, so please be gentle and clarify stuff to me. It goes a long way towards earning my respect, and I will be thankful to you.
) and who honor their words. Like "I'll call you sometime" or "Live life to the fullest!" BTW, if I ever seem overly serious and take things literally, it's because I am. I'm slow in that department, so please be gentle and clarify stuff to me. It goes a long way towards earning my respect, and I will be thankful to you.?
Lament Configuration is the Rubik's Cube from Hell.
sorry about the ending of the village
Posted on: July 31, 2004No comments yet
I don't like typing. I really don't. Words don't come to me easily and I *know* that there's always something off and quirky about my phrasing and diction, no matter how straightlined I try to make it, it always comes out as ME. 
I have to struggle really hard at writing or even saying anything in order for it to make sense. That being said, I need practice, and the only way I can practice typing is by typing… so?I hope this doesn't come off even worse. I'm feeling bad right now for the hurt and pain I have caused:
I have to struggle really hard at writing or even saying anything in order for it to make sense. That being said, I need practice, and the only way I can practice typing is by typing… so?I hope this doesn't come off even worse. I'm feeling bad right now for the hurt and pain I have caused:?
I'd like to take this time to apologize to Andy aka torontotrance, JayD, and everyone else I spoiled The Ending of The Village for. I'm really sorry about that and for ruining a fun night for you guys. 
rest in peace, adam spears the starkid
Posted on: July 30, 2004No comments yet
In the midst of my obsession with life and death… comes more heavy-handed news. I was just living another day, watching an episode of Dead Like Me, when I decided to flip to my favorite forums on the Internet. Little did I know what I would learn next:
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It was just announced that producer Adam Spears, known as Starkid, has just passed away. A lot has been said about this already. My words echo the deepest respect and sympathy expressed before me and if I had something to add, it'd be this: we have another tragic death in the EDM family. Adam's loved ones must be so devastated right now, especially because was on the cusp of releasing more progressive productions and delivering more dancefloor enjoyment in the due course of honoring his folks. Starkid's best-known production, "Crayons", was not the the kind of track I "got" at first, and I had to loop it several times to really "get" it. So I "get" it now, but it took awhile. I think that says something about life.
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In another eerie connection, Starkid & Blake Jarrell put together a production called "Apricot". Now, Starkid is among the Stars, no doubt, making music from the unfathomable?heavens above.
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PLUR+R
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"When you can't make sense of someone leaving, you sometimes try to make sense of what they left behind. And it makes it whole a lot easier when what they left you was beautiful." - George Lass, Dead Like Me
learning more stuff - some collected musings of Torley Wong
Posted on: July 29, 2004No comments yet
Today I asked a question at TheDarkTower.net, querying about how Stephen King keeps all the connections in his books straight. Now, I know there've been a few inconsistencies and slipups over the years, but he does a pretty amazing job. It's really like there's this galaxy?in his brain and he writes to get it out!?Hopefully I'll get some keen insights to this soon.
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One reason why I like Dead Like Me so much is possibly because I used to watch My So-Called Life all the time when that was on — well, before it was cancelled, anyway — and I can see a few similarities. Such as: the introspective narration, the coping with life (life after life in the case of the former, anyway), and good characterization. As good as a group of grim reapers are going to get, anyway.
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I went over to Photek Productions to listen to what was up with Rupert Parkes and friends. My visit was overdue. To say the least, this didn't sound like the Photek I knew! Not to slag him off because I have a profound respect for this ninjar beatz as featured on Modus Operandi circa late-90s and the like, but this sounded fun but… generic? Cookie cutter? Cliched (without the cliches being twisted around like I like)? Are those even words I should be using? Maybe?he wanted a change of direction, more for the dancefloor? Maybe I should ask? Maybe I will. In any case, he has a classy name.
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I should clarify that my position is not to rudely?criticize other artists for creative decisions I don't understand, because really, I can only speak for myself. It's just not what I would do, even though it may appear like it because *I am full of contradictions. I come from a dark time and place in realspace of being a chinstroking, wine-guzzling (well, not that part), opium-toking (not that part either)?classical music snob and later a technosnob . . . . and while purist elitism has its place, that place would be in a small cage — where Exhibit A: Snobby the Snob can be laughed at while cheap-ass crackers and filthy footwear are thrown in its very specific direction. The world's a big place. That's obvious, but all too often, I forget that. Planet Earth has such a spectrum and rich diversity of artistic creations for many tastes and if you don't like apples, maybe you'll like oranges. Or mangos and kiwis and more esoteric fruits like the PALMAPPLE. But I don't like blueberries, because to me, they taste like soap. But you might. And that's okeydokeykaraoke.
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Being the reformed snob that I am, I realize there is a certain irony in being an anti-snob to snobs and locking down on them. That irony is not lost on me. The good guys have guns too. The attitudes behind techno music creation and consumption do matter to me, and if there's going to be one constant word driving the train like Blaine the Mono, it might as well be: FUN. Sometimes people don't really like a type of music genuinely and earnestly; they only claim to like it because it makes them trendy and makes other people like them. For a short amount of life, anyway. Then that phase passes, and it's onto the next. But if you're not really enjoying yourself, why listen? Why waste it? More people than will fess up to it happen to like the music of, say, Avril Lavigne and/or Britney Spears. I like both, and say it proudly. Am I ashamed to like… music? Doesn't it sound ridiculous? I'd certainly be ashamed if I was an abusive daddy who molested my daughter and beat/raped/killed her mommy, but why should I be ashamed to listen to Top 40 radio? Makes no sense to me.?ABSURD AS A TURD! And alongside that, I have many listening selections which are lesser-known but I enjoy them too, additionally. Buffet time. Mmmmmm.
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Gradius. You remember that video game, Gradius? I'm sure it wasn't the first of its kind, but it's a good example. You start with a basic bona fide spaceship, and as you battle the bad guys — a whole plethora of spacefaring nasties from an evil empire?– you get upgrades. Like:?better laser beams, a shield generator on top, and these curious things called "Options" which are vaguely amorphous spermsacks that duplicate your movements and shots like shadow fighters (Ninja Gaiden is another game featuring such a feature). All of these varied enhancements make your ship more powerfully well-rounded. Likewise, same with music. Until you've listened to more of what's out there, how do you even know? Don't resist your curiosity. Onlineness offers such easy access to tunes, more than a whole orchestra at your fingertips.
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I think there's a sort of imploding psychology holding people back. We, like robots in this culture, are programmed to handshake despite the observations that:
- You really, really don't know where people's hands have been! Ewww.
- Does a handshake even mean anything in this day and age of noncommittment? UNLESS it comes from someone you know and trust enough… to know where his or her hands have been? Double ewww.
I don't like to handshake. Really, I don't. I could say "it's nothing personal" but that's a lie. It IS personal! It's part of my person and if I'm going to handshake, I'd *strongly prefer* that it means something and isn't a token gesture. And furthermore, you'd better have clean hands. Not just for my health, but for yours. Aren't you concerned about where my hands have been, petting cats and all that? It goes both ways. As such, I like to bow like the Japanese or wai like the Thai. Getting down and boogying is fine, and I guess slamming asses might be too since (most people's) assspheres?are cleaner than is popularly thought.
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Please don't get me started on "Hi, how are you today?" I'll leave that one for another time. Back to the flesh-and-blood automatons we are: I'm convinced we have to strive to break our programming, and show more honesty and passion in what we truely believe in and what we want to show our enthusement/enthusiasm for. It will always be a struggle in life, and this is NOT to say we shouldn't have restraint — as we should when it comes to retail therapy?– but what comes positively and naturally to us, we should express, including goodwill as channelled through the arts such as… techno music. TECHNOlogically-based music is made on machines, but those machines are made by humans. And it will continue to be this way for some time, despite the increasing levels of automation employed.
I'll leave that one for another time. Back to the flesh-and-blood automatons we are: I'm convinced we have to strive to break our programming, and show more honesty and passion in what we truely believe in and what we want to show our enthusement/enthusiasm for. It will always be a struggle in life, and this is NOT to say we shouldn't have restraint — as we should when it comes to retail therapy?– but what comes positively and naturally to us, we should express, including goodwill as channelled through the arts such as… techno music. TECHNOlogically-based music is made on machines, but those machines are made by humans. And it will continue to be this way for some time, despite the increasing levels of automation employed.?
If you're a listener, listen to what you want, and don't let the PPP (Pissy Peer Pressure) get to you. Express yourself as only you can and… just be you, just be fun!
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If you play a role in the electronic music creation process too, there are some things I'd like to share with you. We'll call this section:
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TECHNO MUSIC TIPPAGE
- DON'T be afraid of melody. You won't always need?a catchy tune, but that's no reason to fear what is the musical equivalent of a warm, snuggly security blanket. Or maybe an oak tree, because oak trees are strong and a well-crafted melody is powerful.
- DON'T be afraid of rhythm and harmony either, however you choose to define that. Keep your ears open, because drums — such as toms — can be tuned tonally, and you can create chords out of them if you do creative processes to them such as lengthening them farrr past a natural lifespan, and ah behold the wonders of timestretching.
- FOUR-ON-A-FLOOR IS YOUR FRIEND. It's been here since the dawn. It will be here past midnight too, snacking. Some say "it's boring", but your heartbeat is boring too and it keeps you alive. Damnit, if you ever get concerned, in the middle of the track, try this: shuffle the kicks and snares a little. For example, move the second kickdrum of a bar an 8th note forward. Maybe tease and introduce it in with a delayed fx line or a flanged cymbal. Voila, you've got yourself a breaksy little section which takes only a few minutes to prepare. A little spice to the meal. Tasty. And yummy food is fun.
- DON'T overdo special effects. Obviously, there are exceptions to this that prove the rule, but think of it this way: how many times have you seen a movie in recent times and complained it was "too CG" and that there were "wayyy too many special effects"? There you go. Icing goes on top of the cake. Icing is not the whole cake. And if icing IS your whole cake, God have mercy on your arteries.
- DON'T be afraid of hitting that dreaded Preset Button. There's some more imploding psychology at work for you. Of course you wanna avoid prefab sounds, right? But here's my slanted perspective: if everyone else is too scared, don't you want to be the brave one? If those sounds never get used, the original sound designer's work will go to waste. Plus, you can tweak them to your taste, and if it doesn't work out, bake a cake from scratch. Just have fun with it and don't let any grand stigma cloud you. Which brings me to…
- THE OBVIOUS IDEAS ARE OFTEN OVERLOOKED.?Hello, Mr.-Philip-Glass-repeating-two-notes-over-and-over? Hyperbolic, but you see how he made his career. Here's another one for you: punk music. What could be more?obvious than primal three-chord pounding bucking against the establishment, and other raw delights? Snare rolls still have plenty of life in them, so don't ya let anyone else talk ya out of them. Mr. Wong here places a C-bill on the next point, which would be…
- TAKE THOSE CLICHED, UNLOVED IDEAS AND ADOPT THEM LIKE PETS –?IN FACT, CATCH THEM LIKE POKEMON! Give them a warm bath and lots of tender love, and a nice cot to sleep in. Cliches never die. They may turn into strays that are hated (much to their frustration — if someone kept beating you with?a stick and never explained why, wouldn't you hate the world?), hence all the need for more love. Push words like "cheesy" and "trite" out of your head for a sec, and realize that if the wheel was meant to be reinvented, it would have been done so by now. Not so. Think gradual adaptation. People give and take back to Planet Earth. Are trees a cliche? There are so many of them that look the same! What's a forest? If you're looking at the forest from a bird's-eye view, you're seeing the Forest. AND the Trees.?You know about my analogy of music: it's one big tree, with main branches and sub-branches and sub-sub-branches. But all of them are part of one big tree. You can try to saw a branch off, but a sage human being realizes that while pruning is necessary, grafting might be a keen idea too. A conservationist mentality goes a long way towards sonic wildlife survival. Breed two cliches together (don't worry, you won't have to do the Bob Barker on them) and their child will be fresh, new — and LOVED. And you are responsible for this love.
- Related to the above, puleeze don't ever make a proclaimation like "The 303s/808s/909s?sound is?DEAD". Hey, even if your grandparents are dead, they live on in you in a way. Even if you aren't biologically related and are adopted, hopefully your parents have shown you love and ideals and moral teachings and other such goodies that also live on in you. Circle of life… Lion King time baby!
- DO?YOU LIKE TECHNO, TRANCE, OR HOUSE MORE? I'm sorry, that question just boggles my mind. I'm smart, but not smart enough to answer something like that. Why not combine all three? Tech-trancey house? I hear it's a wonderful dish, and your guests will love it. Serve it with an opening appetizer of ambient breaks, and everyone's taste buds will absolutely WATER.
- Speaking of water, Bruce Lee once had this to say: "Empty your mind.?Be formless, shapeless.?Like water.?You put water into a cup it becomes the cup.?Put it into a teapot, it becomes the teapot.? Now water can flow or creep or drip or crash. Be water my friend." I've applied this philosophy to my music, and if you're comfortable with it, I encourage you to give it a try too. Obviously, there are contradictions in the words and it sounds like a paradox. The joy isn't?entirely in finally solving the puzzle, let me tell ya that — THE PROCESS MATTERS. I ain't?ever?seen?no happy?human without a brain, and yet modernspeak makes such a?big difference between "thinking" and "feeling", medically inaccurate figures of speech as they may be. Evolve. If you can take where you're coming them from and really assemble?it in a way that reflects where you are going right now and where you want to go in the not-so-distant future, it will do wonders for your?confidence to express yourself. There are enough?rigid clones out there playing the lame game. For the love of Kraftwerk,?DON'T be one of them.?
- EVER?NOTICE HOW WONDERFUL JUXTAPOSITION, HYBRIDIZATION, MISHMASHING, ETC.?ARE??I don't wanna throw out a word like… say, folktronica, but there you go. The melding of old and new, low-tech and high-tech. I sometimes wonder why some peeps made such a fuss over Bob Dylan playing an electric guitar. Or why such a deal was made out of sampled electric guitar in earlier techno tracks — something which is so commonplace today that you could do?a triple-take and treat it like a neck exercise as opposed to being surprised. Don't let the imploding, exploding psychology get to you. Sometimes, you won't be able to describe your most brilliant?Frankenstein?ideas until AFTER you've executed them (made them come alive — not killed them!) and combined them in your lab. That's a-OK. A Momma doesn't know how her baby really turns out until?many years later, even if she knows the child's Father.
- DO try to hold your laughter when it?comes to candy ravers and costumed clubbers. Drug overdoses aside, they're having lots of fun, and their passionate support?for the DJs and producers is unequalled.
- DO it your way!!!
*deep breath* I gotta say it again: DO it your way!!!?And?always remember,?PLUR(R) to the giants who have come before us so that your path is eased, your vision of the future clearer. There will always be new, lofty tasks for humans interested and involved in techno?music (as in the umbrella, not "Detroit or Cologne?techno" specifically)?to take on, and new styles and substyles — branches of that great, fabled Electronic Dance Music tree — that will?explode progressively?like?so many?majestic, magnificent cloudbursts………… that tree is hovering above us all, filled with bountiful promises we can't even begin to fathom.
If we're lucky, some of us may get to kiss it.
And kissing's just Level 1-1 of this video game.
dead like me
Posted on: July 26, 2004No comments yet
… which is, of course, probably going to be my OotM (Obsession of the Month) in August, along with Death itself (in many senses of the word).?I recently watched the first episode. I must say, I am wowed by Ellen Muth's performance. Her eyebrows are very unique and beautiful, and she looks like one of my friend's little sisters, kinda, but with a very different voice and disposition. This, of course, plays tricks on my associative mind which strives to find the connections in all things, no matter how seemingly unrelated. I'm late to this show and just started picking up with Season 2's Premiere… not sure if I'm going to watch all the way yet, but it looks promising. The ramping (sped-up) camera and the photographic style is a real thrill too in the parts that they do use it.
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Both Stargate SG-1 and Stargate Atlantis had episodes involving shadowy darkness blobby things. How's that for parallels in a Desperation/Regulators sort of way? And speaking of King, Stephen once more, I wonder if North Central Positronics really IS a reference to Isaac Asimov. I've submitted the Q to the official website and graciously await a response in a week or so. Haven't actually read the end of the Waste Lands but Blaine the Mono seems like a really cool, psychoriddling train. Connecting Ellen Muth to Stephen King is easy: she starred in the movie version of Dolores Claiborne. Which had death in it.
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Tying this into techno music, I think there needs to be more trance anthems that?aren't necessarily about the party life but?deeply explore death?and related, similarly grim issues. Could be the party death.?Maybe something that folds trance back on some of its industrial roots, as the imagery of the latter is very rich in that kind of decay. I know there have been great singles like Kai Tracid's "Too Many Times" with its haunting video of a clubette timbering 'cuz of a drug overdose, and who can forget Rob Dougan's "Clubbed To Death?" Or Brainbug's "Nightmare"? But I'm thinking of?something even more sinister like a sort of Phantasm (remember that movie? I love it) soundtrack gone dancefloor, with the creeping ambience but yet the pounding supersaw and 2-4 claps/snares so common…?and only halfway there, like a soul about to go but trying to stray from the light strobe light… and the dancers aren't really there to zestfully booty-grind. Rather, it's more of a intensely contemplative thing, like: "Half an hour ago, you took a bad pill. Your parallel self in an alt-reality, however, did NOT." And as the night goes on, you sort of do that split screen thing in your mind's eye?to see, hear, experience?possible outcomes. Too depressing? Yes, but there is a place for expression like that and?it can be uplifting at the end and reflect that each of us needs to grieve for?loved ones in our own way,?who'ever they be'eth and how'ever we shall proceed. *pushes button*?Raver music might be the last thing you expect to hear at a funeral, but that's life… death? That being said, hey, do they make headstones in the shape of decks and a mixer (mebbe with effects unit too)? Haven't seen one yet. Drop me if a line if you have, thankyou.
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As there is a Roland of the Dark Tower and a Roland the music instrument manufacturer, the latter should release a TR-1010. I'm imagining something here called a "vorpal interface", related to the?D-Beam tech. but more ghostly, and which would aid you not only in live?fx manipulations but in programming beats steptime. You know, like an invisible paintbrush. YOU CUT THE AIR LIKE A SWORD. Although this, you see, would have to have some tactile?feedback, you can FEEL how the kicks are mapped differently than the snares by pinching your fingertips in midair, and map it with a flick of the wrist. Even though there is nothing all! It's all in the perception. Another flick would add?a certain?amount of randomization, and you could curl fingers to rotate through sounds like gripping on handlebars of a?motorcycle until the right one sounded — and then you'd release and relax. Ghostly and technical on the insides, but oh-so-natural and intuitive to use. More smooth digital (as in fingers) motions as opposed to herky-jerky shoving. Coordinated actions by both hands could speed up programming while you operated the device, and a?few simple choice lights?could alert you to parameter change status and other essential basics without being overly intrusive.?I'm no technical maven but it's always nice to have tools that work like you do. It's about time. 
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Speaking of time, time travel, I saw another book lately called The Time Traveler's Wife. Looks charming. My guess is that, as with many time travel stories, there is tragedy and someone permanently bites it in the end.
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Avril Lavigne still looks like a cat. Watched a video interview with her going *grrr!* Her voice is kind of smoky smooth. I dig that. If I had a cat, I'd likely name it after her.
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"Death is a mystery, and burial is a secret." -Stephen King
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So, August is Death month. And Celebrate Life month. Both, at the same time. You've heard of Christmas in the middle of July, yes? Well, how about Halloween in the middle of August?? I'm full of contradictions. Don't expect it to be the same next year, though =^_^=
asperger's syndrome and my life herself
Posted on: July 25, 2004No comments yet
So, I was at the grand bookstore chain called Chapters the other day. Browsed around… they sure know how to make people comfortable, with the associated Starbucks chain sort of integrated and grafted smoothly into the whole op the way your eyeball is sealed into your head (hopefully). Speaking of eyeballs, I of course took a gander at the Stephen King section. They didn't have any rare books on his life ABOUT him in stock apart from a concordance to The Dark Tower, but I peered around and they did have Dreamcatcher and Everything's Eventual, hardcopy, for sale at $10?a pop. Pretty good pricin' for a *hardcover*. One copy of Carrie, newest ed., paperback, was also left. Carrie is a great American novel, and it combines two things that are very relevant to me: menstruation and telekinesis. I also noticed that in the Parenting section, they have a subsection very clearly marked: AUTISM & ASPERGER'S SYNDROME. Well that's nice they're paying attention to this, as?there must be demand from some awfully concerned parents wondering about their child or children's?wellbeing — which, in my books (pun?), is just so sooo splendid.
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I do wish those books were around when I was a tot. Then again, it made me learn "normal" behavior the rough and tough way, with a lot of tumbles en route. I remember I was kicked off at least a few dozen Internet message boards?and mailing lists?in my early Net surfing days (dating back to Netscape 1.1, but not quite pre-Mosaic ) because I talked a lot. Too much. I?tried to help everyone with their queries.?This, of course, was just a followup to me being kicked out of social?circles for?speaking too much and rattling off everything I knew about, say, the Transformers or?paleontology (can you guess?why I like Ross on?Friends? Although Phoebe's my fave character for her charming visage and non-sequiturs).?I can't ever remember being deliberately rude in a trolly (not Torley) sort of way, but I do have some historical traits which could be seen as rude: like the urge to correct inaccuracies and a stubborn desire to fill in all of the loopholes in an argument.?Which, of course, is impossible. Damn semantics! Nowadays, I'm more mellow. It's like, "Whateva, man/woman." I learned a lot watching Bob Marley and MTV's gangsta rap dept.. No kidding. I mean, whatever seems like some hyperbolic caricatoon to someone else — that's the near-Gospel truth to me. But it was really, really frustrating for me to have to explain myself each and every time, no matter how nicely I tried… and tried.
) because I talked a lot. Too much. I?tried to help everyone with their queries.?This, of course, was just a followup to me being kicked out of social?circles for?speaking too much and rattling off everything I knew about, say, the Transformers or?paleontology (can you guess?why I like Ross on?Friends? Although Phoebe's my fave character for her charming visage and non-sequiturs).?I can't ever remember being deliberately rude in a trolly (not Torley) sort of way, but I do have some historical traits which could be seen as rude: like the urge to correct inaccuracies and a stubborn desire to fill in all of the loopholes in an argument.?Which, of course, is impossible. Damn semantics! Nowadays, I'm more mellow. It's like, "Whateva, man/woman." I learned a lot watching Bob Marley and MTV's gangsta rap dept.. No kidding. I mean, whatever seems like some hyperbolic caricatoon to someone else — that's the near-Gospel truth to me. But it was really, really frustrating for me to have to explain myself each and every time, no matter how nicely I tried… and tried.?
Finally after 6-7 years (yes, it took that long), I think I got something down effectively and Thor's?hammered out a mode of speech which works for me on a purely textual basis. (Like I'm typing now, darling!) I continue to adapt it to this day, and all that I can claim is that it's Me, unique and unadulterated… well, maybe adulterated. We'll figure that part out like Zephos figures out Xynthica's hair ornaments.
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Back to Chapters… so I was reading this book about parenting a child with Asperger's Syndrome?(ain't hyperlinks grand?), and on top of everything that already made sense for me, this even made more sense. I could sooo relate! Which is kind of funny, because I don't relate to much in the grand scheme of things. Since there is no cure (a fallacy and myth, since this is a fundamental and integral part of the neurotype and personality that constitutes who I am — not that I'd want one, anyway ), what can be done? Well, what needs to be done is more Aspie Awareness just like anything (awareness about eating unhealthy, animal cruelty, and the aesthetic benefits of WATERMELONS!) so that more open dialog can be shared and skills that are hard to learn but nevertheless can be learned . . . can be learned! (How's that for redundancy?)?Honest, earnest communication in a kind and loving environment — and nothing less than that — is where progress will be made. Oh, there'll be genetics research for sure, as well as deeper forays into the enigma that is the human noggin; and the human experience of being social, especially for typically antisocial people, will be the challenge. Online and offline, as it continues to grow.
), what can be done? Well, what needs to be done is more Aspie Awareness just like anything (awareness about eating unhealthy, animal cruelty, and the aesthetic benefits of WATERMELONS!) so that more open dialog can be shared and skills that are hard to learn but nevertheless can be learned . . . can be learned! (How's that for redundancy?)?Honest, earnest communication in a kind and loving environment — and nothing less than that — is where progress will be made. Oh, there'll be genetics research for sure, as well as deeper forays into the enigma that is the human noggin; and the human experience of being social, especially for typically antisocial people, will be the challenge. Online and offline, as it continues to grow.?
I have a great wonderment for human diversity and variety so I must absolutely clarify, politely but firmly, clarify that I am in no way an "Aspie supremacist". There are some of those already plotting for some war vs. the neurotypicals ("normal humans"), which is yet another myth/fallacy because human brains are neither black, nor white. Kibbles 'n' bits 'n' pieces of them are mired in the aforementioned diversity, which leads to a beautiful mosaic of shades of gray. This is a SPECTRUM of humans. Just like people are born with different skin colors and different body types — some are short, some are tall, but all are human beings — there is so much room for all types of folks. Hopefully nice folks?=^_^=?*meows*.?For me, Asperger's Syndrome sounds a bit awkward and may very well be a placeholder term in a greater continuum of classification to come. We'll see. Labeling may be a necessary evil, but emphasize the "necessary" instead of the other term and maybe there'll be hope yet. The remaining mysteries of the MEDULLA OBLONGATA (Adam Sandler voice, hee hee) and more have yet to be unravelled.
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I'm a human being, you're a human being (unless you're my cat-to-be reading this, hi Avree!). We've got roles in life to play, and obviously, some days are really crappy and we say "Life sucks!", but on the whole, it doesn't. Or at least, it shouldn't. No matter who we are or where we're from, we've got hopes, dreams, and all sorts of goals to accomplish. We might not accomplish all of those goals, but hey, that's okay, it's good to dream and think about them.?Fantasies are?well-balanced?part of a fantastic Life breakfast (ha). As The Donald (who I fervently admire for his classiness) says, "Think big." And do bigger? Ja. And "ha" rhymes with "ja".
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I'd like to wager that your goals are of the safe, sane, and consensual variety. Hopefully you're a nice person who's good to other people and good to yourself?for the most part, despite your failings and foibles. Hey, I know, I've got my weaknesses too. Here's a big one for you: I HAVE NO COMMON SENSE. Got that? What most people take for granted, I have zero of. Zero, as in Zip, Zilch, and their sad sister Nada. It may sound strange to you, but it's what's "normal" to me. I've read and heard about common sense all throughout my life. But I just don't "get" it. I just don't "feel" it… I look for it, and there's nothing there. Nothing at all.
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Want an example? Here's an example — like they say, give a penny, take a penny. So here's a trienny (that's a penny worth 3): the other day, my Mum needed help picking fruit from the apricot tree. She tells me that she wants me to collect all the fruit, but that she's tired of picking too, 'cause?as you know, apricotties bear a lot of babies and big baskets are needed for all of the wee ones. Also, I point out there's a branch hanging over an edge of the water where it's hard to get at with any ladder.?She tells me: "I don't care how you do it, just get it?done!"?I obey.?So what do I do? I get my trusty saw out and I chop the whole tree down. Looks good to me, feels good to me, and it makes as darndest logical sense to my inner bones as I can figure out. Of course, she's horrified. I am not. Three problems solved in one, Mom! *BIG HUG*
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As you can see, while there is nothing there *thumps skull*, I find other areas of my life to be most bountiful. I have family who loves me and good friends who don't judge me for being who I am, being a kindly eccentric fruits basket?(like the anime, which incidentally has a cat) who has Asperger's Syndrome. And within myself, I know I have a glowing confidence: a confidence that didn't exist in my younger years, because I didn't know what the hell I was, quite frankly. I'm like one of those Pokemon without a number who isn't in the Pokedex yet (for the record, Meowth is my fave).?This confidence didn't come easily, oh no!, it came from years of experience and I have many more to go and much learning to do. And even better, much teaching to others. I hope I can share my personal experiences in a way that will benefit lives of my fellow people, even if I do feel I am not of this planet sometimes. And maybe we'll meet some real extraterrestrials along the way
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It's gonna?be a wild journey, and I'm going to be using techno music to — for lack of a better word — channel the goods like some cyber-shaman of ye olde ravey days to ya. From past to present to future, here we go! Buckle up, and?stick around for the ride!!!
hearing is precious
Posted on: July 23, 2004No comments yet
… and so are all your other senses, so they say. I hope you're taking care of yours! Right now, I'm concerned about my hearing. It's been two months (from about mid-May) ever since I noticed a mysterious set of problems start to happen in my ears. Hearing loss seems to be part of it — specifically, I have tinnitus time to time, a loud annoying whine in my ears — but come to think of it, that's been a part of me since I was a child. The new nuissance happens to be this loud crackling/popping noise that happens like a reflex whenever there's any loud, percussive noise in the high frequencies in my vicinity. Including from within me (i.e. when eating carrot sticks). It's really impaired me, like?someone's?beating on the inside of my brain where I can't get at it (Him? Her? An?auditory?gremlin?)?and I haven't been able to work on my music lately, and not only because of that: I've found I have?developed hyperacusis too, which is really getting on my nerves because my ears are sensitive and it gives me a real headache. Instead of hearing stuff in the higher registers too softly, it's all exaggerated and distorted to an annoying degree. More mid-day naps I guess, and I don't feel terribly productive because of it. One thing's for sure: I've been writing a lot more than I have in a LONG time.
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I'm on the waiting list for the specialist ENT doc, same one I reckon who checked on my Dad before he died (Dad had vertigo and all manner of pain — he had to crouch down, elbows stiff and jutted out to his knees, and his palms clasped around his ears while he tried to shake the disorienting agony away), and the operative term right now seems to be *waiting*. Well, gotta?have?faith in God. Thanks to everyone on the Internet and off the 'Net who's?been helping me with this and?helping me dig up rare technical terms like "stapedial myoclonus" and "spasm of the tensor tympani". I'm not sure that's?what it is?yet, but it sure sounds like what I've got. So it's ongoing, more than a bit scary because I don't know what's coming up around the bend, but life's an adventure and this is surely just another leg of the journey. Far braver souls than I have suffered worse things and gone on with much strength, so I gotta keep hanging in there (like that classic orange cat poster as seen on "The Simpsons").
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In the meantime, if you're reading this and like to listen to loud music: consider turning it down. I sure liked listening to loud music but I don't anymore. I don't even care much for talking loud at the present, although I do my darndest to keep up a cheerful disposition and don't let crap like this get me down. I don't think the origins of my relatively recent troubles are from pounding techno music all night long either, because of my controlled environment — but the specifics aren't relevant, because noise pollution is everywhere. I've only begun to notice how damn LOUD most restaurants are, and how much industrial noise there is in the world. Some of it can't be avoided without active hearing protection, so look into getting yourself a nice pair of custom-molded earplugs. Especially the kind that attentuate the noise specially with a type of filter and?do not blur the sounds, so everything is still crystal clear — just softer.?The initial investment may be steep (seems like Costco has them at a not-too-shabby deal), but can you afford to protect your lifelong?hearing??Absolutely. I'm looking into getting a set for myself. Sure I sound like an old fogey now — maybe I'm getting to be that way all too soon — but like the sages will tell ya: you don't miss it until it's gone and gone it will be if you keep blasting away without ear protection.
— but like the sages will tell ya: you don't miss it until it's gone and gone it will be if you keep blasting away without ear protection.?
I didn't think I'd be making a blog entry like this today but in the midst of my headaches, I wanted to share this with you. Don't be a fool like I was when I was a kid either when it comes to your eyes. You know how I lost my eyesight? No kidding… some kiddos have funny obsessions: sniffing glue, grabbing puppy dog tails, and all manner of growing-up discovery. Me? I stared straight into the sun for hours at a time. Stupid, and now I regret it. Burned out my retinas. Maybe someday I'll get Lasik but I can't think of an equivalent for my ears apart from a hearing aid, and they still can be unwieldy. There's a lot of myths to be dispelled about those gadgets, by the way: hearing aids aren't just for the old. If you lose your hearing enough, no matter what your age, you're going to need one. And if you don't believe me and since this is a techno music blog, maybe you can listen to the words of Thomas Bangalter, of Daft Punk fame: "I?ve given up [DJing]?because I want to protect my ears, music is too loud in clubs." I don't think anyone knows better than him. The man is a time-tested and true craftsman with his production?partner?Guy-Manuel De Homem-Christo in the studio,?from the acidic pounding of international hit "Da Funk" to the unorthodoxly?brazen guitar solos of "Aerodynamic"… this is music meant to be played LOUD. Speaking of LOUD, look how?Timo Maas gets it right on his album cover (and?on a tangential wave, my fave track from that CD is "Help Me" with its spooky?cyber-theremins):
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See, can you hear?what can happen? Here's another great list of celebs who have tinnitus and other forms of hearing loss.?It's a Stephen Kingesque, Dean?Koontzian?horror in its own right: imagine, quite possibly 24/7, to have a loud buzzing or humming or warbling or other annoying, *constant* pulsating noise going back and forth in your ears, sometimes raising and splitting your skull wide open (like the "watermelon" scene from Scanners), other times lurking like a brooding horror in the background before coming forth to punish you viciously — and repeatedly — once more. Think of it?as getting a daily?ear caning, Singapore-style.?I'm living some of it now, and thank God I haven't fully descended into madness… yet! (I have to semi-jest on that one, haven't lost my sense of humor.)
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Going clubbing actively without hearing protection will hurt you so much in the end that you'll be depressed and cry lots (possibly), and feel sorry for yourself too.?No one will honestly relate to your pain except for others who are also in the same situation. You might be able to still feel the bass, but what good is that if you don't know what else is going on except for the rhythmic deep throbbing that keeps reminding you of what you cannot hear? The bass is a physical sensation, so while you're still good to go, you can pop in those earplugs I mentioned and the music should still be enjoyable to you.?Plus, you can still TOTALLY feel that powerful kick drum go BOOM-BOOM-BOOM-BOOM, but not?at levels that will make you experience the aural equivalent of puking over the porcelain throne after one too many Coronas the next day. Don't try to play the lame game of playing your music in the car louder than the next guy or girl over, even if you have a nice system. That's sonic suicide.
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I've got deaf relatives and friends, and they tell me to take care of my hearing. No more hearing = no more beautiful music to listen to. It's?losing part of you, that's what it is. And?like I said, your hearing is precious and I want you to take good care of it into the future to come so that you can enjoy listening to your grandchildren calling out to you and asking you to read them a story, and so you can also?grow into your golden years to go fishing or whatever it is you like to do outdoors — without the wonderful sounds of nature like birdsong and water being heard by your ears as… nothing, nothing at all. :*-(
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TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF, PROTECT YOUR?HEARING!
Got that? Make me a promise. Good.
past deus ex: invisible war addiction
Posted on: July 21, 2004No comments yet
I remember when I was addicted to this game, Deus Ex: Invisible War. I played it nonstop for like 3 days and nights and then went to post on the forums as WheresWalton (a play on the missing Walton Simons?and Where's Waldo?). I made well over 1,000 posts in — you guessed it, 10 days. Some long ones, some short ones, and everything in between. I really wanted to share this experience with other players.?Whoa. Now in some strange way, I do hope they make a Deus Ex 3, but another part of me tells me they'll mess this one up.?The situation with Warren Spector and Harvey Smith has been iffy as of late.
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?"Damn you, Denton!"
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I didn't enjoy Invisible War as much as the original but it was a satisfying playthrough, and I was anticipating it for so long. For the record, my favorite character from the first game was Tracer Tong and I liked his voice in that, but Alexander Brandon I feel botched it up in the second :(. Sorry Alex, you did do a good job on the music though, although?there were hardly as many strong, powerful melodies like gazelles as in DX1.?But as for awesome voice actresses, I'd have to say Tiffany Grant as Klara Sparks takes the cake. I felt sorry for everytime I killed her (obviously, not me Torley, but my ingame character)… dayum. Trust me on this: she's a really nice person, and there's nothing I like more than a talented fellow human being who is also a really nice person. =^_^=
the next 8 bars will be the same, trust me
Posted on: July 21, 2004No comments yet
I was thinking of turning a lawn into a Pet Semetary so it could be used for something more useful than for grass to grow, but I think I'm gonna hold off on that… at least for now. Next up, I'll have to join some sort of Ka-Tet (or Ka-Techno?) and make our way towards the Dark Tower of the technosnobs before we disassemble (like Johnny 5) their establishment. I'm serious about that, but semi-jesting about this:?and then we'll roll it out into a major campaign with Ishkur's Dancers & Drugees rules. Still 1st edition, I reckon. Stickin' it to the man! Yeah!
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Speaking of technosnobs, I was talking about classical music snobs today. So yeah, future and past. In this thread on TranceAddict, YaleTrance (who I first heard the term "McTrance" from, LOL — but hey, don't look at me, I crave Big Macs) shared some of his insights concerning the future of electronic music with the community. I learned something new today, so I'm thankful for that. Although I gotta put the thumb up for my man Yanni… ha ha ha. There's another good thread here about trance music and religion. One of those ongoing things that we need to talk about but can't be "solved" like a problem.
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Donald Trump's The Apprentice 2 is gearing up, and I am following the news about it fervently. Ah, yes, obsessions. Funnily enough, I had been wondering for awhile if Moby and Donald Trump ever met, and I just read a recent Moby journal?entry?which answers that. One more mystery of life answered. I'm not as anti-Bush as Moby since I'm not terribly political but Trump's bold words on the matter resonate with me. I don't need to quote them here as they're so ubituitous (just like The Donald). Oh, I also joined Moby's boards… wow, just got a new PM, and a nice one too. Going to read it now!
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(Still frustrated here I haven't been able to return to work, really. Ah well… plenty of other things that keep me busy in the meantime… always something to do. *in a Forrest Gump voice* My Mamas say if you got nothin' t'do, then your prolly dead. Better to be a workin' living, my Mamas tell me.)
Be my friend!
