Torley Lives

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EPILOGUE?TO A LIFETIME OF MUSIC

Learning to let go is a difficult thing, and actually letting go can be even harder. There is only so much tension that can build up in someone before an unhealthy type of self-destruction, that lethal kind of implosion from within that crushes the spirit and breaks a person, happens: I prefer it not to come to that and have opted for an overwhelming catharsis instead. I want to release a great deal of what has been built up, to cleanse myself of past trauma, and to be able to walk on into the future with brighter, more open eyes — and a smile reflecting the happiness inside.

For over two decades of my life, I had aspired to be a successful composer of music, primarily electronic and TECHNOlogical in nature, hence my favorite term "techno music". With that mechanical sensibility has always come a human responsibility, however, and it carried me far until all that ended for me in May of 2004 when I was struck down by hyperacusis and my ears no longer worked as they could or should or would. That career was left behind like a city in flames, with me taking on a new existence in the online world of Second Life as "Torley Torgeson", and subsequently, as my daughter "Torley Jr." from a future timeline. (To be continued…) But every so often, I was tempted to see if the figurative fires had actually incinerated everything permanently or if there was anything, anything left at all.

I have many dreams. Yesterday, a particularly meaningful one struck me, and led me to travel back to this city in my neuroscape, braving the distance along the way and the harsh climes that were no longer welcoming. The air was acrid, the skies a sullen gray. When I faced my fears and came back to the towering treasure of sonic wonders I had once lived in, I discovered that much to my surprise, even with the pain ringing through the sides of my head, that not all had been lost: hardly! Now, while I cannot continue to produce music in the present, what I have done — past work, established history — still stands and is recorded on many gigabytes of digital storage. Memories recorded in cold 1s and 0s, yet played back with the warmest of tones and evoking positive emotions.

It was several weeks ago that I decided to shut down my synthesizers and pull the plugs, nullify the juice that had powered them for several years continuously. They weren't being used, and I was sad. It wasn't that I'd given up hope — much to the contrary, in fact — I simply wanted to stop looking back so I could keep looking forward. To new hopes and dreams. But as I alluded to, the past has a funny way of coming back to get ya, and thoughts have occurred to me that what I once saw as a curse became a blessing in the due course of time's passage, much of which I have blogged about and am still compiling as lives — both my First and Second — go on…

So yesterday, I started blowing off the pixeldust and digging through the data, and came up with no less than 230 FULL tracks that I had mixed and mastered before my ears went bad, provided for you in the ever-popular MP3 format for your luxurious convenience. Download and play. Simple. That's almost 16 hours of Torley-techno music for you to enjoy… and then some. (And not even close to my total historical output — heck, if I could find where I left some of my old cassette tapes containing prepubescent recordings! — but I digress, and all of these are finished works from initial idea by brainstorm to the end of the applicable process.) Some of them you may have heard before (bits 'n' pieces), but the overwhelming majority you haven't, as they've been unreleased until now. Realized from a timeframe of my late teens to shortly before my 23rd birthday, the music is high-quality, sometimes lo-fi, but always representative of my personal creative expression and unique eccentricities.

Please allow me to embellish and elaborate to help guide you in, style-wise. My music is about catchy tunes. Melodies you can hum and/or whistle with rhythms that'll get your head nodding, your feet tapping along. I've long embraced diversity, and in this "final selection", you'll find: orchestral breakbeat epics, fragile ambient soundscapes, improvised piano solos, 4-to-the-floor peaktime pounders, progressive house builders, minimal techy starkness, angular tributes to 8-bit video games, crunk hip-hop instrumentals, futuristic-yet-retro techno-pop, quasi-Asian syncopations, lush beatless convolutions (with watermelons!), arpeggiated trance anthems, neo-tribal fusion grooves, straightfoward rockers — yeahhh guitar solos!, jazzy acid workouts, love songs, songs about babies being born, songs dedicated to my dead Dad, songs about nothing in particular but feature intricate drum machine programming layered with virtuosic keyboard performances that you'll get a kick out of, and more. And more. And more! I could keep sprouting off labels, but while these words describe the music, they aren't the music.

So please, if you will… with over two hundred pieces of the puzzle, if a name catches your fancy, evokes your imagination, go for it! And travel from there. Give it a chance to grow, to take hold, and see what my music means to you. I wish you well in your explorations, and now that I can't hold back, I open up and give this gift to you. In hopes that it will make your days happier, your nights dancier, and your life a little brighter (if I may be so bold). After all, what good is music if it isn't heard?

A few more words: feel free to demix, remix, rearrange, and revision my audio-visions. Enjoy passing them on to your family and friends across the Internet, since sharing is caring! Creative Commons licensing info is provided, and a whole lotta thanx to the Internet Archive peeps for helping me to store this collection. If you have any questions, commentary, or other things which rippleshock guided you to to say, you're free to get in touch. I'm here.

Even if I couldn't hear anymore, I'm grateful that you can.

That being said, thank you graciously for listening.

I'm moving on to my new life now . . .? =o)
?

Ex-Technomusicologist Torley Wong
???? aka Torley Torgeson in SecondLife.com
????????? WWW.TORLEY.COM?/ TORLEY@GMAIL.COM
?????????????? 2005.03.16

The lovely ladies of Midnight City have a "City Girls-New Designer Contest" open for entries now. An intent of it is to promote up-and-coming clothesmaking talent in SL, and since Umber has an excellent tradition of birthing such fashions, it only stands to reason that the creativity keeps flowing like a wonderful river of watermelon icecream. Mmm. These are the choices for prizes:

A. 20,000 L$!!
B. Featured New Designer store hosted in Midnight City for one month!!
C. One free copy of each new item created by these 4 designers for 6 months following the contest!! (*note that this means items sold to public and not custom)

All necessary details are in thar yonder thread of course. I've heard some new designers frustrated in a shortage of opportunities to promote themselves and spread the word. Well, here's a big opportunity!

Went on a little jaunt yesterday — as much as I've been fond of my Torley's Cap-tain hat (which I've worn constantly over the last many weeks), I decided it was time for a change. This decision came to me in a dream. I went looking for hats and came across an place @ Welsh (44, 25)?called The Hat Tree. I found a basic top hat inside for the nice price of L$13, and proceeded to Torleyfy it and add my logo. I decided it still was not complete, however, so with the help of my friend Fallingwater Cellardoor (dressed for the occasion as a big yellow bird), I attached a Fox Lily to it. Like a feather in my cap, except not a feather, and not a cap. Ah… satisfaction.

Ever seen this many XyObjects in a single place at a single time? It had to happen — Xy, Del, Strife and I were giving them a good lookover. Me, taking the Torrest Torgump approach to things, klutzed up and kept hitting Clear when my XO began to spew balls in many directions. SHOCK SHOCK PANIC! I also had a vision concerning these: in some parallel timeline, there were adept primweavers, masters of advanced technological magic such as the XyObject. They could fluidly control the devices as to produce amazing chains of shapes;?sequences of complex geometries?bundling themselves together in the?night sky;?amazing a rapt audience as they looked on. Now that's an Event I'd like to see!

Clipped notes: I took a jaunt down to Meins, formerly Kexland and now the home of a new Gigas residential project masterminded by Nexus Nash and Adam Zaius. It's looking nice, for what it is — the street lamps automatically turn on and off according to the time of day, and last I was there, Adam set up a spinning piece of art over a pool of water. I'm getting some vibes not necessarily cyberpunk, but sort of a reminiscent that echoes back to cyberpunk MUDs like Iconoclast, which I wanted to get into more but it was wholly text-based. *sighs* (Now I can live my dreams though, so it's all good.)

Business straightlining ahead, I think there is an obvious lack of good multinational corporate HQs and consistently zoned communities in SL. As much as I enjoy the craziness, I like my FLW houses and white picket fences too, ya know? I think of a financial great like Donald Trump and then it conjures up images of these towering skyscrapers and people bustling all about, and maybe some residential quarters too. I'd like to see more of that in SL: shades of Sim Tower, a past fave of mine.

Imagine this: ascending a smooth-moving elevator (not herky-jerky oxenunfree) to the mellow pulsating strains of Global Communication's "8:07 (Maiden Voyage)" (itself inspired on Tangerine Dream's "Love on a Real Train"… so many giants's shoulders to stand on!). You're positioned in close formation with friends, backs stiffened straightly yet arms loosely dangling, crisp suits wrapped on — including neckties if that's your sort of thing — and many-primmed briefcases in hand. A day of productivity is about to begin.

Can you smell the coffee?

"It is better to light a candle than curse the darkness." -a Chinese proverb

BEDAZZLE's U:SL is closing and Chinatown's big finale awaits at 8 PM PST . . . just a few minutes away! Please come.

A new pastime has burst forth onto the Second Life scene. Made by one of Linden Lab's own, Nicole Linden, Linden Collector Cards can be found around the gridverse at various dispensers. You can try hunting on your own using the Waterhead TeleHub as a starting point, but if you really want to be spoiled and go on a frenzied rampage to build up your treasury, feel free to dig deeper into this forum thread.

Last night, myself and good friends Catherine Omega, MrsJakal Suavage, and Cid Jacobs went cardhunting. I came across other collectors on the way, and they seemed quite uninterested in chatting with us, becoming like zombies as they raided the kiosks and flew off. Maybe this is a new way to brainwash the Residents into becoming part of a grander conspiracy? Hee hee.

Also happenin' last night was the big Second Life party, both at the "real-world" Varnish fine art gallery and its virtual counterpart. The view into SL was being shown on a big projector on the wall of Varnish. It?happened on the Preview grid in an alternate virtual reality Da Boom (which makes me wonder why it wasn't spelled "De Boom"), and using the new QuickTime streaming features of 1.6, the Steamboy trailer played "a few" times. A new meme was born and I was inspired to start a thread discussing such matters. For those who need this for reference, here is the transcript of the trailer as kindly provided to me by a source who wishes to remain anonymous:

In?a time of fantasy?and wonders,
In a world of man and machines,
A young inventor receives a mysterious gift that holds the power to change the world… forever.
Now, a merciless enemy will do anything to stop this daring hero…
and steal the source of ultimate power.
Now, prepare to go full steam ahead –
from the director of Akira: STEAMBOY.

It's past five (AM)?and I've had an uneasy night. Slept for a couple of hours, woke up again, found myself in a garish dreamstate upon my transition back to alert consciousness. Tried to lie still to relax, had a couple of mugs of tea to calm me — didn't work. I think I'll eat a can of beans. Earlier, had a dream. It went like this:

I dreamed I was very hungry and in search of food. I found an orange, the last of its kind. I wanted to eat the orange. So very badly.?So I tried to, and found that the peel was harsh and unforgiving and did not yield. I became hungrier and so, sank my teeth into the orange and continued to claw at it. It hurt terribly, so very abrasive and raw, and my orange, upon being torn open at last, also ripped away at my finger-flesh. But I was so very hungry that I could not stop myself, so I extended my tongue and slurped into the tangy juices, chewing pulp and drinking the acidic flow mixed with my blood, fingers continuing to bleed as I peeled more of the orange open. I wanted it so very badly. At last, I finished the orange, hands lacerated and skin on fire. But it felt good.

I've never played a game of Silent Hill — or any of the sequels — although I've watched my brother do so. I've never seen movies like In the Mouth of Madness or Jacob's Ladder, although perhaps one day I will (it just doesn't feel right yet!), and that I can relate on some phantasmagoric level from the info I've gleaned… albeit happier but just as surreal. I have seen Twelve Monkeys, an amaranthine favorite of mine, and I played a demo of Dark Seed (involving H.R. Geiger's biomechanical artistry) many years ago. What all of these works apparently share is a blurred line between what constitutes fantasy and reality, or if there ever was a line to begin with. Transport from one world to another, in a state. We have rainbows where we can name and judiciously select colors like "orange" or "turquoise blue", and even my beloved "neon watermelon" has RGB values for those of you who are wondering: green is <0,255,0> and pink is <255,0,128>. But besides defining those as starting points, there are not discreet steps to color science?as there is an overwhelmingly vast?amount of shades in between. Continuum of spectrum, or CoS.

Still, a need to classify comes up. A cat is not a dog, nor is a human a monkey (although some may argue that when it comes to The Darwin Awards?– perhaps more of an insult to the simian in question). Extending, there've been anecdotes of dogs thinking they're cats, or even Koko?who loves kittens. We have many rules, and many exceptions to those rules. We have rules that really aren't rules at all, because maybe they became obsolete or aren't followed (and if a rule isn't followed, then what use is it? That's not a question to be answered golightly). We have our distinctions between many manners of immersive computing experience and "real life", in addition to the unfortunately stereotyped and much-antiquated perceptions of online environments as places for antisocial losers who "can't get some in the real world". Bleh to that, I can't relate, I am here to see happiness through to the light at the end of the tunnel that is so illuminating that it makes all the other light look like darkness. Relativity.

We grasp. I know I do, always searching for that next intellectual high while having fun that makes me laugh my ass off. Well, I'd do it more literally?if it didn't hurt my ears so much — it's hard to contain that humor.

My perceptions of reality have long been eccentrioteric (eccentric + esoteric): I'll make no ice cream bones about that. And at the same time, I know I have improved greatly in my abilities to relate to my peers. I know how capable I am of flipping between nonsense and making sense,?although I still lack common sense.?My visions mostly involve whimsy and simple joys in addition to the challenges I face.?Ideas I want to share, messages I want to get across to see who else can relate and feed off of that onto brighter days. And furthermore,?based on what others have related to me, there's also a certain lateral sense to the way I perceive my existence.

I have these dreams, crazy dreams — including but absolutely not limited to the one recollected above — of me jumping back and forth in time and finding myself startled because of these temporal-spacial (why is it spelled "spatial" so often? Doesn't make sense to me) leaps. Therein lies my passion for time travel as pop culture will showya. It's not so much a much of seeing the future or predicting anything concretely as getting these eerie vibes of something I have done before and will do again. It's like a meta-deja vu on an acid jazz trip, improvised around base chords and filled with all sorts of crazy mental guitar solos and staccato punctuations of string grooves. Articulated cadences?find their way wrapped around the sinewy spine of the rhythm?foundation, mistakes becoming un-errors upon their insistent repetition and?melodic development.

I FIND IT HARD TO CONTAIN MY EXCITEMENT.

DULY NOTED.

Again, I'll use the term rippleshock. It comes down to this: me, finding myself, living life non-linearly in my brainspace. I know my physical body and his limits — I don't quite know my avatar's body and hers. Torley Torgeson (Jr.). I experience synchronicity a lot, and this amount has risen exponentially ever since I began to exist in Second Life. I channel things out, breathe the cool digital air in, all those bits and bytes and even packetloss slamming their way into my neurons with the poise of a budding Baryshnikov but the heavyweight of a hippo. I see myself as a child — I see my hypothetical daughter as well, and how I'd raise her. (How I'd want to see the world through the eyes of the young again while growing old.)?I see community, connections, it all comes through. I can't force myself into these things: they just HAPPEN. And rippleshock guides me. If I don't feel guided, chances are I won't do it. Maybe this is what it's like to finally feel intuition after a lifetime of mindblindness?

Hey, you remember that scene from Attack of the Clones where Jango Fett, cruising through the interstellar superhighway, deploys a sonic drone? That scene stood out to me because it is one of the bestest audiovisual depictions I have seen insofar as how rippleshock appears to me when I close my eyes and just AM (regardless of what I thought of the rest of the movie ). I'm getting closer to defining these things! If I keep on pounding away, ham-fisted on the keys, I'm gonna get closer and closer (to the edit, hey hey hey!). I just know it. In the meantime, I await messages — not from Mars, but from me. Something buried deep inside that's been there all along, I just have to dig it out like dinosaur bones and reconstruct the past to pave the way for my future. I've been getting at expressing myself through words over the years, and there are few things I want more in the world than to be an excellent communicator.

So imagine my world: someone who was previously quite silent who now has a lot to say. Someone who wants to share this, and make the best of what life has to offer, and believes that there are latent abilities within me which have begun to awoken. Not mystical, not psychic, and certainly still under the jurisdiction of my open-yet-skeptical mind. But something nonetheless which is making my living a heckuva lot easier than stumbling around all the time. I'll leave the calling up to someone else, as I've never been good at seeing myself for what I really am anyway.

Before I go, I'd like to restate the exposition, variation on a theme, and say there's something here. If I keep tugging on the chain it'll all fall out of the attic. Insectoid demons, mellow gold, books with meaning I have yet to comprehend, and the watermelons. Always the neon.

I will likely wake up today and wonder why the heck I wrote all of this. And then I'll get to a point where I don't have to worry, and move on.

I think I'll try to go to sleep again. I hope.

I just wanna ask you…

You will try to forget your past, but?did you remember tomorrow?

Thanks for reading.