I know I'll find that by writing this, I'll feel a lot better. Recently, I've been delving into my identity: what does it mean to be me? Especially when in Second Life, "me" is split across an array of Torleys of varying persuasions. I'm such an explorer: I used to joke that I didn't need alts—alternative accounts—because all the alts were contained within me, Torley Torgeson. But things changed, I became Torley Linden, and work got really, really busy. With my wishes for many more online status options in Second Life yet to come true, I find myself betwixt in a motley crew of uncomfortable situations: relogging to do usability testing, then being besieged by multiple IMs, and having those IMs compounded by even more asking, with the best of intentions, if I'm crashing. It's quite the flood, and I… I can't keep up.
It isn't easy when a dozen people all ask me if I have a few seconds to spare at the same time. And then the times where I say "I'd like to help, but I can't at the moment, I'm sorry!" followed by their persistence that I need to help them NOW. O, if only they could all see each other. I don't like to come off as overly busy; it just happens. And what must be done, must be done. Then I can move on. Working orderly through a queue is better than getting flustered and drowning in a cluttered workpile.
(The other day, I logged on for a couple minutes to take some snapshots, and 6, then 7 IM windows suddenly burst upon me. Regrettably, I couldn't reply to them, given that time is the essence.)
So I'm writing this to communicate. So I've jumped onto using dedicated tester accounts instead of my main. They are alts, just like any other. And just like I have my space for work, I have my space for play, and I have alts I amuse myself and others on. Some are obvious; some are not. But you may think, "What does all this do to a person?"
It's what I've been going through.
Psychologically, and I like to hash this out, I've been joining my strains into the whole, complete, total me. This is, for example, why you may find a white-suited Torley Sr., simple and clean, walking around with a watermelon glint in my eyes. To me, it is the pure, the holy, and I feel so much better about it. Walking around inworld…
Lately, Second Life was becoming a claustrophobic jam, because I'd spend time buried with an enlarged Instant Message window, missing out on the world around me. It became a plain of text-only chat, boring. Rapt in the irony of its cruelty, this gray box with white text blocking out my experience. IMs kept coming in… I considered deleting all my Friendships, but I didn't. I considered hiding my status in Search, but I didn't. I'm still holding out for something better, and at the same time, like how Angel destroyed the Ring of Amara, I must not rely on any special Linden tricks. I must remain close to the ground, experiencing the people's frustrations.
Being constantly IMed has been a conflicty source of work stress for me, because I love to chat, but I have so much that must be done. And without a better way to communicate this [Going into (Busy) blocks inventory transfers and the translucent chat overlay, which I do want to see], I struggle, sometimes I muddle along. At one particularly sore point, I joked with a friend about, "What would it be like to charge L$1 for every IM sent to me?" Therein lies the source of more contradictions, however: I appreciate the communication. So it quickly becomes a matter of managing expectations.
And I have technofaith anyone who can read can easily see in my profile that I want to assist. It just needs to be done the right way.
LOCALIZED: meaning, I am focused on what is happening inworld around me. I'm not answering IMs. I'm concentrating on the avatar-centric experience. Doing better quality work, lessening my stress, and ultimately, achieving higher aims and objectives.
For now, for today, as I have said and wish to make clearer, please reach me via email where I can get to it when I can. That is, if you expect a reply. If I'm inworld to talk, I'll probably be right in front of your avatar, smiling back. 
Let's learn from Donald Trump: IMs are the cell phones of the SL world, only others don't hear when you get an incoming "call"—but wouldn't that be fun? I know I'm not the only Linden who thinks this: I've seen how busy my fellow frontliners can get. Liaisons and Live Help, for example.
And in the meantime, I continue to walk the path. Hand-in-hand, I know I'm not alone.
Today is a great day! In Second Life, I visited The Infinite Mind, which will be open to the public soon. I got a sneak peak, and you can find out more about what exactly this is all about, including the big celebration opening, at the corresponding The Infinite Mind home page.
Now since that's covered the meat and potatoes, I'll continue with a Torley commentary: I originally heard of TIM through Boliver Oddfellow aka Drew Stein, who told me the TIM team wanted me to be on their advisory board. What for? Asperger's Syndrome, which I have, and which mentions of on my blog are many. It was like the culmination of a full circle, because I used to write extensively about my experiences with AS, until my focus (and obsessions) shifted to other topics. Nowadays, seems to be most people won't even know I have it unless I bring it up. But it's an integral part of me, and I'm really, really fascinated by issues concerning how humans use those brains in their heads to figure out the world around them.
The other day, I did a voice interview for The Infinite Mind with Quirky McArdle aka June Peoples. 'Twas a lot of fun and I laughed a lot. Hopefully you'll see that up soon. I think it was pretty progressive because I really haven't been doing much with my voice ever since hyperacusis took my good hearing away. But things change, and now I grow bolder, yet not colder.
The builds on TIM are the masterwork of several dedicated artists. Shukran Fahid, who also worked with Boliver to make the Dublin sim in SL, did many of the builds, and my Ravenelle Zugzwang created a museum and a park. The whole theme is reminiscent of what Iconoclast would be if extrapolated from text into 3D graphics. A post-contemporary setting with sleek lines, angular architecture, and memorable spaces. That's a very good thing.
It occurred to me that while visiting with the other guests, I was actively using my noggin to process, digest, and come to conclusions about what I was experiencing, really turning the whole thing on its head. No, I didn't see a building with a brain for the highest floor and a spine for an elevator, but one (me) can only hope…
Thank you graciously to Quirky McArdle, Jeanette Hailey, Boliver Oddfellow, and Bill Lichtenstein for the nice tour.
Enjoy these snapshots. I had a lot of fun taking them.
-Torley, 2006.07.29
