A comment

A fortnight ago, Trevor F. Smith had some really nice things to say about me.

Today, I read a blog post by Lordfly Digeridoo which initially made me very unhappy.

I left a comment:

Lordfly, I found this mean-spirited, and inaccurate. I wish you could have told me before, personally, that you found my forum posts so distasteful, and I also wish you could’ve suggested some ways I could improve.

What’s completely missing here is mention of the many, many writings I do make — which involve me seriously and deeply inquiring about Resident troubles. Not just recently, but over the last long stretch of months. Among other things, when I was CommMonkey last week, I helped draw fellow Lindens’ attention to some of the absolutely awful bugs which were causing content loss, got in touch with numerous Resis (which is just short for “Residents”, as “rez” is short for “resolve”) to make sure they were alright, and opened issues on a plethora of other problems which none of us liked.

When I don’t know the answers myself, I’m very quick to get another Linden informed — you mentioned Robin and Cory. Since I look up to both of them so much, I’ve been communicating a lot of the community heat and woes directly to Robin, suggesting what we need to do *fast* to improve, and I informed Cory that there’s a lot of craving for technical issues… which is why he’s having a Technical Town Hall soon. Clearly, this is important. I updated the Widget on the Official Linden Blog to emphasize this on the right.

I sure do enjoy figures of speech, and I was teased, many times as a child about it. Not “teased” as in “ha-ha!”, but “teased” as in “make your every day a living hell”. People talk differently; not everyone says the same thing the same way. Please take that into consideration.

LOLEX = my own way of saying “LOL”, I’ve never said that in reference to painful issues. That’s disrespectful. Why do I say “LOLEX”? Because my Dad died a few years ago, and he spoke English with an accent. He said “ROLEX” as “LOLEX” and in referring to that symbol of material wealth (which is all he could relate to because he grew up a peasant), hoped I would make him proud one day. I’m not saying this for sympathy, but to fill in the rest of the story.

“Rice farmering” is nothing unusual, it just means there’s a lot of info (like grains of rice) to be gathered, not unlike the expression, “Putting together pieces of the puzzle”. If you don’t know, you can feel free to ask me — as you alluded to yourself, we’ve had friendly times inworld.

Every time you or someone has written something like this about me (and often, they’re prefaced by “I don’t have anything against Torley as a person…”, yet go on to make such sharp stabs), the negativity eats away at Second Life. I do my job the most professionally I can, but like you, I am a human being.

If you were earnestly concerned about me and wanted me to get better, you could have let me know in private, it’s a lot more good-hearted than self-admittedly bashing me out here on your blog.

And my Asperger’s Syndrome? Would I be treated differently if you, or anyone didn’t know? Yes, but I’ve chosen to be myself. That’s all I can be. And I came to be who I am in the last couple of years, largely because of the treasures of Second Life. Please don’t depict Asperger’s as being inhibitive to my social functioning either, because you know it: in Second Life, I’m the very archetype of a socializer.

It wasn’t always that way. But things change, and through SL itself, I grew.

If there’s something I hate, it’s the act of making assumptions about me which lead to misunderstanding, when I’ve provided plenty of clarification on my own — including on my personal blog — and am happy to provide more details, just like I am now.

To what j-wu said, I can’t quantify what makes my curiosity and enthusiasm genuine, but I know I’ve continued to be here because I see a lot of beauty. I said things like “I am passionate and enthusiastic: I care because you do.” back in ‘04 too.

Simone exactly hits why I continue to be bold — if I didn’t give a damn, I could do a substandard job. I could update the blog a lot less. (I got up many times in the middle of the night last week to check on The Grid.) I could clam up and not communicate. And if you don’t care for my style — this is why we have a diversity of Lindens, and the Community Team itself is a warm mix of personalities.

Time and time again, the serious critiques I make go missed, or undermentioned. People latch onto what’s easy to recognize — the watermelons — for good or bad. But saying that’s all I am is like saying the color green, or pink for that matter, constitutes the entire rainbow. It does not. That’s viewing a splinter of the whole Torley, which is *precisely* why I say “multiple viewpoints inside one person”, because I see things the way others do. I relate. The world is a big place, with many cultures, some of them unique to SL. Prejudice and fear are borne out of ignorance: I want to be open and welcoming.

But I’ll never understand why there’s so much cruelty in this world. People who claim they’re my friends bash me on Second Citizen, while others who I thought would stand up for me — I’ve certainly defended them, nevermind helped advocate what they want in their future Second Life — stand idly by, like some sick Kitty Genovese plague of inaction.

As much as some folks like forum drama, it’s junk food. A quick fix, then you feel the pangs in your tummy, and in the end, it leaves you feeling empty. What people thrive on in the long-term is the nutrition of healthy relationships, founded upon mutual respect — which doesn’t mean 100% agreement, but to treat each other courteously with civility — and beyond this, there’s friendship, there’s love.

Through Second Life, I’ve learned a lot about humankind, and at times, the unfortunate lack of it.

So despite all the crap, I keep going. Why? Because I believe in the good in humans, even those who repeat the same mistakes over and over, and do unkind things unto others. I believe we’re sitting on a gold, if not platinum mine of potential, of self-discovery and enlightenment. Not in some lofty, hoity-toity “I SAW BUDDHA AND HE HAD A POSSE!” way, but feeling secure and confident in your life, despite all the “shit’s fucked” that happens.

I just wanted to share… so there can be no ambiguity.

^ That emoticon represents the smile on my face — I am a happy person because being unhappy sucks! I ponder what our lives would be like if everyone reading this was more happy than I am.

Tagged as: General, Ideas, Work