A hole in the world gets filled

Posted on: May 22, 2004
I just got a call from my lifelong friend Terry, who cheered me up. I have been feeling down lately on the whole?because of various reasons, one of them being dealing with the aftershock of my Dad's death, another one being work-related stress and another being technopolitics. I am fatigued at the wrong times of the day and angry at all the injustices I see in the world. Yet another blow is the fact I am still finding my way in the world and who I really am and it makes me emotional. I can suck at being social but once I get going with the right person (like the chemical catalyst), I am so talkative and happy to converse. I can't think of a good analogy so I'll let this be . . .
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I have so many internal contradictions to deal with and maybe the sooner I actually realize that it's not a matter of sorting them out this-a-way and that-a-way but embracing my mixed-up humanity, the better I will be as a human being in the long run. I don't think I'll ever solve this problem 100% but like the last episode of Angel made clear, you gotta keep fighting the good fight — even when it looks hopeless. Terry gave me a good kick in the ass, figuratively speaking (although he could prolly do it literally too) and I am happy he called; I almost missed it because I was asleep. But now I know, and life goes on. THANKS TERRY (I figure if there is a use for a blog, this is it).
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I am planning to post some tracks down the road?in the alternative trance vein, or what I call "progreg" which is short for "progressive regressive". Looking backwards but going forward, always my unique style. I may do a "limited edition" set like some painters do, we'll see (hear?) how it works out. But I promise you it'll be fun and exciting, and what you'd expect from me — or maybe what you might not expect. Both sides of the fence, Torley-style. Hard to describe so hear it for yourself first-hand when the time comes.
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Okay I'm going to sleep a bit now before I head out tonight. *yawn*

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