Torley Lives

I talked to my Mom and Brother for the first time in a long time today. It felt good. I shared Raven's meat story with them. I'd like to visit my grandparents again in Thailand. Maybe oneday when I am well enough. They're getting very old and can't come here. There was once a time when they wanted to live in Canada, but that didn't work out.

There are two chocolate chip cookies and an orange on my other desk. I should prolly eat them before they get stale.

I do have hot coco now. It'll help me relax. My hands are crampy still but they felt better after a shower.

So I said to my Brother, slap me if I ever forget about family. If I don't make time for those I love, what time is there? So much has happened in the last few weeks—days, even. I like to be responsive, to reply to email. Sometimes I don't have anything to say but I do feel. I think a lot about better infomanagement. I don't want someone getting mad at me because I didn't get their message, and we both don't know it.

Communication.

I also like to be responsive because when I was a child, I felt cold and isolated. Now, not so much. But I still like to tap back. I like feedback, I like responses. Those are my experiences. When I press a button, I want it to do something. I will never forget the look on my face when I broke a DJ slider off of a groovebox, tho.

Here I can just write mundane things without having to worry if they'll be profound: I know I already have enough of those. Sometimes I write terse, othertimes very long paragraphs. How am I feeling?

Stressed. And I'll be better, I know it. I want to focus in on what's really important. When I see Resis having problems in the SL Forums (and I kept watching Technical Issues today), I want to help everyone. I can't though, and that can hurt. It's okay not to know the answer, and even better to seek guidance from someone who does. I like questions?

Maybe I'll catch up some on the weekend.

But then again, I know I like using weekends to get more done.

In that space between consciousness and sleep, I dream of a parallel me: who is out there making badass epic trance. With these monster snare fills (accentuated by live drumming) and the thumpiest kick drums EVAR. Phat synth lines so drenched in reverb at points that echoes are afraid of their own shadows. Will a day like that ever come again?

That, I don't have much time to think about.

There's much to get done today, tomorrow, and the day after tomorrow (and yes, the day after that). And earnestly, it is better to be doing, than to not, and to remember that even inaction is a decision unto itself.

I wonder how some busy businesspeople have time for a well-balanced (remember that word, balanced) life. And Second Life.

It's nice to be here.

I think about Forrest Gump, I think about Jerry Maguire, I think about a lot of my favorites. About simplicity, personal relationships, and someday I may see all of Driving Miss Daisy.

I switched to Verdana here, and selected all to format.

It's like driving a car. Or riding a bike. Or swimming.

I watched Will Wright's Spore presentation. That was really tastey. I maybe liked the part with the "Care Bear" the best. I also like how, in all its infinite beauty and combinations, it is compact like a Volvo.

I am now happier. Never forget the true optimists. But look to those warmly seeking help, always.

I never thought two-finger (and thumbs, maybe other fingers for Shift key) typing would develop cramps. But it has.

I am at an amazing time in my existing here. Let's count the good things: I am in love. I have awesome coworkers who are supportive, compassionate and passionate, & supersmart. I work for Linden Lab, which I didn't think I'd be doing a couple of years ago, but here I am. (So go back in a time machine and slap the old me.) Miracles happen every day. I'm alive. Despite my wobbly health, I could be a lot worse off. I have a fast computer, it helps me get work done. Work done so I can have fun in the same place I get work done. So many incredible contributors to this online world of Second Life. I may live in the forest alone but I don't ever feel alone on here. I have heating during the winter and my life is pretty simple, apart from work which gets complicated, so it's a nice balance. I can see things with my eyes. I'm able to make rational decisions and communicate them to others. I know my Mom and Bro are happy I called today. I have To-Do Lists I am getting things done. I should realize there's always more to do, so as long as I keep chuggin' away at it—I'll be alright. I can type pretty fast; again, to get work done. I am blessed to know so many bright folks who can help me figure out what I cannot. I can draw pretty pictures too. I bet I could do more if I really applied myself. I just figured out, for the first time, to use Ctrl-I as a shortcut for italics before I start typing a  phrase. But, it works kind of funny in this text editor. I have many books by Norman Vincent Peale (RIP), master of positive thinking. I have the Internet. I will hopefully have more spare time soon.

I am really part of a community! I hear that word a lot. What does it mean? I see a lot of different opinions on the SL Forums. But, I know everyone there must like SL in some way, even if they are feeling unhappy about a bug, because they are there. They are here. They are part of a community. And that's what we have in common: Second Life.

I will prolly wake up and wonder why I wrote this. Wonder is a good thing.

I've had my week of expressing a rawer side of me. Now I can get on with that to the next phase. I will recall better in the future, to save explanations for those who are receptive. "Preaching to the choir" is like, not a very non-redundant thing.

If I was on a couch floating down the river, what is the first thing I would see?

I'd like to make a couch with spotlights when we get new lighting to replace the slowww Local Lighting. I reckon (and I should use that word more) I want a floppy hat when we have flexible attachments. I think, scattershot, 2006 will see a lot of improvements. Sometimes I wonder why people do not show praise in equal—or greater—amounts to complaints and criticism. But, if they're busy playing with new features, I'll be happy.

For Second Life:

We have FollowCam. I cannot wait to see a Resident Evil-like approach to a haunted mansion. Or a gonzo amateur cam that shakes when I ram into walls. Why has noone made an HUD with a red blinking REC light yet? Should I?

We have planar textures. At last. I am still trying to wrap my head around what it all means. It confuses me, but to expert builders, it sounds like a good thing, so it likely is. I'll play around more with it. Still puzzled about "repeats per meter" vs. "repeats per face" tho!

And—

WORLD —> FORCE SUN. Three things are coming up, and those are 1) "Always On" mode, 2) "Reset" so you don't have to relog to get back to the local sun position, and 3) "Force Midnight". Or something.

I will say it here for the record: I always believed that moving FORCE SUN from within the DEBUG menu is a good idea. It has become the most popular question on Live Help. Gridwide announcements were made about it. It may become a Message of the Day too if this keeps up!

Controlling the sun is like controlling your happiness. If manuevering heavenly bodies is a cinch, maybe your personal satisfaction is guaranteed too.

I wonder who comes from the forums to read my blog. Maybe they will find the odd gem here. I like "hidden" treasures.

llTeleportAgent would be nice in the future. One-click actions is coming back. So we can sit (and do other things) much easier.

I want fixed-width IM tabs back. Currently what a PAIN. I've wanted this since near the beginning.

I AM SO HAPPY TELEPORTS NOW ROCK A LOT FASTER. And again, surprised more haven't commented on it. Maybe they are all happily TPing around a A LOT FASTER. No more long loading of attachments! I think technically it was very difficult to pull off but it worked! Means a lot less "scary black screen". That loading bar is almost pointless now. Maybe we will get crossfade (or other kewl graphical effect) teleports soon.

Some problems I'm seeing:

-avatars logging in and being invisible. getting that message about clothes loading…
-those who cannot login 'cuz it sez they're already logging in, but they are not.
-offline IMs not being delivered reliably upon login?

Will keep a watch out with my eye-in-hand.

I know someday I'll come back to this and laugh.

I think if something among many things helped me get here, it's gentle persistence. Not annoying headbutting but just, leaning against the door, waiting for it to open. Holding a pillow to brace me when it does.

I'm trying to think of really bad things to say but I can't.

I think I've exhausted them.