If you see someone madly cackling as they trot down the street, loose change tumbling out of their pockets, their hair a wiry mess, you could snap-judge: "They're crazy!"

And what if they knew you were going to say this? What if they didn't do it just as an act (as Andy Kaufman might have), but they really behave that way, and they know it? How does that awareness change how you feel?

Does it change how you feel if you know your judgement of someone else will cause them pleasure or pain? And once affected, they'll tell it to your face?

Often, conflict can be alleviated by having a word with the source. Instead of crapslinging behind their back or venting it to a gossipy "friend".

But most humans, courage-challenged creatures we are, don't do that. Instead of taking what's essentially the surest path, we complicate matters and thorn the long, hurtful labyrinth of putting down someone in sneaky ways. On the Internet, that involves talking about them in channels which are the least likely to be seen by the subject… until, oops, they find out! We behave emotionally and irrationally, playing "he-said/she-said" until relationships are irrevocably damaged through the barbed wires of un-communication and misconstrued intent.

Nasty!

Instead of going behind someone's back, I like to approach someone personally and understand who they are and where they're coming from. Better to kill my foolish prejudices than let them fester. Yes, trust, reputation, and what you "hear" about someone may matter (or may not), but like I said: use the surest path.

If someone has a problem with me, I'd rather have a direct conversation than have it come back to me through the cluttered and sour grapevine. Wouldn't you?

(And before you answer, think about how you'll feel afterwards.)

Not-over-yet side benefit: it speaks highly of them if they're earnest about it. It's even more true if instead of a problem, someone has a solution with me — meaning they have kind and helpful things to say but may've been too shy.

This is precisely why I invite sharing. As I quip:

Thanks for letting me know, because otherwise, I wouldn't know!