Bildungsroman
Posted on: November 22, 2007
Here I am, smiling on Thanksgiving Day. It is with good reason. A moment captured, as my beloved Jenny made me laugh, then the digital shutter of Apple's Photo Booth went off. Some hours later and spiced with filters, this is a portrait of this artist as a somewhat-young man. The man behind Torley the avatar.
My life has known a lot of tragedy. But through it all, I kept going. I can't believe it's been some 3½ years since a time when I was in a deep depression, bummed out on my local library's chairs, reading cyberpunk and transhumanist literature. Hoping for something bright. (Past blog posts fill in pieces of the puzzle.)
Joy didn't come all at once. It didn't even come shortly. Looking back, to the now, then to the future again, I have so much to be thankful for.
I know my story isn't typical. But who'd be interested in that? I'm someone who found some of my life's greatest happinesses through Second Life. I've made great friends, self-discovered extensively, picked up new hobbies, found a job… and in the process of being humbled by the wonders of life, I even found love, a love that's crossed over into my First Life. I'm not saying all or part of this will necessarily happen to you; but knowing that it did happen to me, doesn't that shine hope on this world? If one me can do this, it can't be impossible. And if my existence gives hope to others, then that gives me reason to be thankful. Very thankful indeed.
There'll be adversity ahead, both personally and professionally. There'll be rainy days, and days worse than that where my outlook on the world is terribly dark. But there's be many days of sunshine (even through the rains) ahead, and how do I get there without risking the pain?
Some days, it feels like I'm living a fable. Pinocchio wanted to be a real boy. In my own, self-describedly earnest ways, I want to feel that I'm a real human. It wasn't easy growing up, and I can't definitively say I had easier than others — if only we could transfer emotions in gift boxes! — but I do know I felt very distant from humankind in general for a long time. Part of this was due to my Asperger Syndrome, but I don't make excuses, I find new paths. And with that, my relative isolation is changing; I transcend being a watcher, am more of a doer, and get involved with the change in the world I wish to be.
I've made mistakes. I have foibles. But throughout it all, knowing others have been watching me has spurred me to press on. And if I can encourage more people to transcend being watchers, and go from observing to actively participating in transforming their realities, then it will have all been worth it. It already has, but I'm anxious for what's to come…
Related Posts
Be my friend!
Stay up-to-date
Enjoyed this article? Subscribe to me and be auto-updated when new stuff is out!
November 22nd, 2007 at 8:59 PM PST
What a nice motivating post. I'll keep it somewhere to get me going through the dark days.
Thank you Torley.
November 23rd, 2007 at 1:23 AM PST
WOW Torley - this post has really struck a chord with me!
I have met special friends in second life too - and it seams hard to imagine a time before sl and conecting with these people. and for me as well - I have met someone very special in sl who is now very special in the real world too!
Your such an inspiration!
November 23rd, 2007 at 6:39 AM PST
Hi Torley - what a lovely post
It's nice to see you up and out of the dark days behind you. Happiness rarely comes all at once, instead it finds us piece by piece, step by step.
I think the true secrets of a happy Second Life only ever come once you move from observer or consumer or abuser states to creator and giver and user states. I just wish more griefers understood that.
HeadBurro Antfarm.
****************
November 24th, 2007 at 11:24 AM PST
Until recently, I didn't even know what "URL" meant (computer newbie LOL.) Just downloaded Greacemonkey and finally "saw" your signature - which brought me here! I've been in watcher mode for longer than I care to admit. Reading this has brought tears to my eyes (sorry to be mushy..) and was exactly what i needed to hear.Thank you for your gift of hope - now I'm off to DO something.
November 25th, 2007 at 1:03 PM PST
@Isabeau: No worries, the world has so many crazy acronyms. "Uniform Resource Locator" isn't exactly easyspeak, either. And awww thanks.
@HeadBurro: One of the saddest things I find is noticing that the more ambitious griefers tend to have some remarkable creative talents, and I wish they'd apply it more to creative usages. They'd be richer (both in a personal and possibly financial sense), and get along better with others. I know, because I was in a similar place once.
@Lyndsey: *big smile*
@dandellion: Thanks for reading it, and keep on going!!!!
November 26th, 2007 at 4:23 AM PST
Torley - you gave me a smile that big when I got my hands on a second hand DJXIIB after watching your great vid on youtube.
You sir are a champ.
Mr Paz
November 27th, 2007 at 6:05 AM PST
Your post really struck a cord with me. Some people keep everything to themselves. Never saying a word about how they feel or what place their life was once at. You went right ahead & did, sharing something that actually hits some of us in a special place because we understand. Thank you.
December 2nd, 2007 at 9:38 AM PST
@PixPaz: OH NYCE! You got a DJXIIB; I swear, they're such an underrated gem. Cheep 'n' cheerful is (often0 the way to go!
@Cerulean: Thanks, and you're welcome! I often think, "If I don't share, how will anyone else know?" The world has too many unspoken assumptions, and if more people made more connections, I believe humankind in general would be happier + healthier.
October 20th, 2008 at 4:28 PM PDT
Hello!
I am contacting you because I am working with the authors of a book about blogs, and I'd like to request permission to use a photograph of yours in this book. Please contact me at hannah@wefeelfine.org, and I'd be happy to give you more information about the project. Please paste a link to your blog in the subject field. Your assistance is greatly appreciated.
Sincerely,
Hannah
hannah@wefeelfine.org