I've weavin' a maze here, melissamatic, but I've got lotsa breadcrumbs and watermelon seeds and other goodies to follow along the way. If A doesn't seem to connect to B, fold the damn page, make it into a paper airplane, and sail it like that classic Mac game Glider?(picture of disky?and old skool)?send it through the world, oncoming obstacles, and above all… be brave! Sail as to not get bumped by a balloon on the way to your top, and don't get burnt by the light.

The word "Bitches" as I'm sayin' it here is not the noun, but the verb. Not perjorative either! I think back in my mind, some kinda trippin' on the Indiana Jones series, which is like the urtext of fedora and whip sales (in the case of the latter, bondage clubs aside). I mean, I totally recall what my vision of humanned spaceflight through the plumbing of the mind is like, gotta send off straight notches like laser tag?beow! beow!?and don't get muddied down by the inefficiency, the damn redundancy, that plagues the world.

It may look like a complex maze, but it's actually quite simple, and if you relax, you will find many wonderful things to enjoy the way. The apt musical analogy would be a deliciously-appegiated piece of Latino piano-and-strings (consider Di Blasio) with this fat, phat detuned saw wave descending chromatically out of some mid-90s rave record. And they're both epic, I mean, you have this intense fusion, and you may initially regard it as a long trip from South America to the UK, but remember, remember!

Take that piccie of the world map in thine hands, skin it off the globe so it now appears flat, and fold the page. Fold it, and send it sailing as I instructed. We don't have physical tunneling holes to burrow from NY to Beijing (diggin' through China, so they say) but we do have cyberspace (comin' back in stylee now!) and we sure have the mazes.

Back to the mazes, in my head I once saw an Indy Jones flick that sadly doesn't exist in our reality as we shallowly know it. It was called Indiana Jones and the Jazz-Monks of Bangkok,?and?please?bearbare with me here, it featured one scene where Harrison Ford gets on the back of an elephant to play a soccer game and painting exhibition, and afterwards, he's still on the beast and she rides him into a hitherto-discovered set of Thai catacombs. So some of the ancient rocks on the sides of the bulky mass give way and the typical villagers are freakin and wailin' and even a little prayin'?it's a tru transcendental experience for them.

So Indy goes into this maze, and it reminds him of the, well, Byzantine catacombs of a past adventure (chronologically this is one of his later jaunts), and inside he discovers Macs?literally, two of them: the first is a Big Mac from the McDonald's of the future, and the second is an Apple Macintosh Classic preloaded with Glider, but the intro tune to it is more like a buzzy growl out of the Amiga demoscene days. Jarringly-but-appropriately, the John Williams soundtrack crumples away like the added financial debt of plastic surgery on one's already-maxed out credit card, and gives way to the beautiful baroque chord progressions of "Corazon De Nino". It sounds vaguely like the theme song from those "A Diamond Is Forever" commercials (something which Indy will check out later in life), but carries a sparkling beauty, a lightning eloquence, the light, baited breath of a baby.

The most guilty of all innocence.