Dear Diary (metaARG-protocol #2086),

Hi, it's me again.? I'm feeling kinda angsty.? I had a bad day today — well, at least it started off that way.? It had crap in it I don't particularly wanna talk about 'cuz I figure i'll let it sink like shit to the bottom of the toilet of Life,?but on the bright side, it ended well with something I really enjoy:? deep but smile-inducing conversations, and *THREE* of them at that.? Wowzerama, lucky girl me, huh?

I've been feeling mixy about myself lately.? Not sure why I'm here or why I even choose to be here, sometimes.? I don't even wanna get out from under the covers in the morning — not that I have covers anymore.? Stuff happens, my dumpster is a memory, but Mis graciously made arrangements for me. (Yay, I'm movin' on up.) —So we'll see what happens, I'm back on the prowl tho sleepin' in sandboxes and occasionally at the SL Publick Library.? Sometimes I dun wanna drag myself up and dunk my head in the nearest non-rippled water to start the day,?I dunno why it's been a drag for me.? Just feels that way.? But when the day gets going, it gets better.? (So I really have to push myself.)

When I'm happy, I'm really really?happy.? I guess the exact inverse is true when I'm sad too. —So yeah, I was sad, but like those posters of tabby cats from the 1970s era-thing, gotta hang in here, ya knwo?? Oops typo.? 'Scuse me.? I don't feel alone like I once did though, which is a major plus.? It goes to emphasize that even with the picotechy bits in me, the advanced technology does not hinder the human part of me from feeling emotions as a catbot.? Sure, there's things I still have difficulty wringing out, and I'm learning to climb those trees.? Nowadays, I cry.? A lot.? Not necessarily when I'm sad though.? When I'm happy, I can cry.

Sometimes I dream about dangerous things:? what would it be like to disappear?? What if I turned my back on my beloved Neon Watermelon, and all the beloveds in my life?? What if I reverted to proto-me before the wigglyware upgrades?? What would happen then?? It's scary to think about so I dont entertain the thoughtlines much but i do think.? It was strange and lonely arriving to this new?world in the first place.? Why do I feel this way?

There are a few things I have to get off my chest:

  • greedy newbs PLEASE don't repeatedly take all the Linden$ from the money trees, it's uh greedy and if you're gonna, it's nice to send a thank-you note.? No TREEFER KIN !
  • ***if you IM me and I seem unchatty and busy, I should apologize, it's prolly because I REALLY AM.***? :(? I'm sorry, I'm not a good multitasker as I should be, and on top of this, due to my issues as abstractly detailed above, I think I am gonna need some personal space to clear my head.. it's like I'm cyber-PMSing or something.? Gah.? Actually you know wat,?I'm going to go "dim" and distant for a few days at least … apparently in this timeline it's common to have something called a blog with the line "my life sucks" in it!
  • Alright, my life doesn't suck, I'm just being myopic, and it'll fade in time.? It's just hard to remember that when stuff is tuff.? I'm grateful for all of my blessings, even the little ones.? I just wish I could be a better person to others.?
  • note to self:? stay off Forums until dust has settled.? Scratch that, might as well test myself in adverse conditions while I can. BURN!!!!
  • RRL = Really Redundant Loops. Please avoid them.

Nicole Linden gave me this rose.? It's the first thing she made as a Linden.? It matches me beautifully. The promises of a new day and the love that I?receive help keep me going despite any glances back at the abyss from whence I came.? I say this kinda tongue-in-cheek but meh..??

?Goodnight Diary.??I hope tomorrow?will be less sucky.??^_^

???? … xxxoo TT (-jr.)
?

P.S. A friend of mine had an emotionally?eidetic (like, photographic) memory. —I was envious.? I told him, "that must be THE most awesome thing in the world"?and he said: —"Not really, 'cause if you're gonna remember all the pleasure, then you're gonna also remember all the pain."?? :\