Torley Lives

There isn't a week that goes by where I don't see a productivity tips article covering the same good, basic principles: today, it's "8 Ways to Be Ruthless With Your Time". These articles teach me little or nothing new because I'm so deeply familiar with those principles; what I get most out of them is reaffirmation that others feel the same way I do and are spreading the good word. This particular article is written aptly and presented very neatly, although I feel that key sentences could've been bolded for emphasis — that's a personal style thing.

Recently, I've been saying "chop the slop" more and more to emphasize how I feel about waste in our lives: whether it's spending time in an unhealthy relationship, enduring poor processes to achieve your creative visions and do good work, or being bored on a long bus trip without anything useful to do — these all involve forms of slop that need to be chopped.

Does it sound harsh? Yes, but in a positive way: I minister that one can be a brutal efficiencist while having a fun time. After all, you chop the slop so that you can have more leisure time to enjoy. I certainly chop the slop during the intense workweek so I can spend weekends reading for pleasure, laying in bed having my back scratched by my wife (she's the best at it), and writing blog posts like this. Oh, and I also indulge in playing with nifty software (like BluffTitler for doing 3D text easily), walking around outside to enjoy the fresh air, social networking on various Internet sites, and exploring Second Life — I haven't done enough of that recently, so I've resolved to do more.

I get concerned that often, people shoot down their big dreams and get muddied by the quagmire of a life poorly-lived: spending too much time on the wrong things because they seem closer within reach, but never climbing a touch higher to find out what further rewards await them. Lest that sounds too abstract, think about this: have you ever found yourself in a bad life situation you wanted to escape from, but were too scared to? Perhaps you were in a job where your boss sucked ass, or your "partner" abused you? Fear paralyzes us, and it's awful. But…
 

BRAVERY ISN'T ALWAYS THE ANSWER
Let's look at this closer for a moment before moving on: being brave often requires a conscious decision, like "I'm going to summon up my courage and stand up to the bully!" But apathy, not caring, is a lot easier. You don't have to willfully think yourself through that… it's more a matter of, meh. At first glance, it may sound ridiculous that apathy will get you through tough life situations, but it becomes much easier when you realize…
 

YOU DON'T HAVE AS MANY PROBLEMS AS YOU THINK YOU DO
A lot of problems are invented by humans. As fabricated as its flipside of the coin, human creativity. Just like you can be inspired and come up with art to share with the world, you can be discouraged and come up with more issues. And when you have enough issues and bawl about them to people you hope will listen, that's called "drama". Like its cinematic equivalent, drama is often staged, and for that reason, is a fine example of slop that can be chopped. Because…
 

YOU DON'T NEED TO INVENT NEW PROBLEMS WHEN MANY ALREADY EXIST

"Wait, Torley, I thought you said I don't have many problems?"

"No, I said you don't have as many problems… as you think you do."

The reality is everyone has many problems. But not that many. Maybe that line echoes Herb Cohen's famous line about negotiation, getting what you want: "Care… but not that much." And that brings us to…
 

CARE ABOUT THE RIGHT THINGS
How do you tell what's right? It often has to do with how much you get out of it. Lest that sound unpleasantly self-serving, many relationships sustain and grow because the people involved feed off of each other — positively! — and they care about each other. This is wonderful, and worthwhile. Especially compared to a dysfunctional, parasitic relationship with an emotional vampire, e.g., the "friend" who keeps bawling to you about their problems but doesn't do anything (like act on your suggestions) to make them better. They're exhibiting slop, and you can chop them from your life.

Heartless? No. I believe within each one of us is a great power to help each other. But just like a key doesn't open a door itself, only unlocks it, you empower others by showing them the way — not doing their important actions for them, for that robs them of their self-discovery. As a person who regularly amplifies the awesomeness of my fellow human beings by teaching them useful info, I know this all too well.

We frequently learn by doing, and are enriched by our experiences. It's also true that through cumulative mistakes, we adapt and whittle down possibilities so we know what is slop that needs to be chopped. For example, I used to write long, meandering emails to people I cared about. I thought length = quality. I now see how unconnected those are, especially in light of the fact so many memorable one-liners are just that — one line long!

But there are times when you do need to be more involved. I suppose a general guideline for that is…
 

GO OUT OF YOUR WAY IF YOU'RE LIKELY TO GET A LOT IN RETURN
I like adventures, shenanigans, whatever the cool kids are calling them nowadays. I'm prone to traveling off the beaten path. But I'm also not going to get involved in obvious wastes of time. Before I embark on a new task that'll take more than an hour, I need to know what I'm getting out of it with some reasonable clarity.

At work, I set very clear expectations with my esteemed colleagues:

"If we're going to put our resources into it, what will we (both as a group and as individuals) get out of it? It needs to be worth our time, and preferably, even more than that."

True, you can't see everything with a crystal ball and there'll almost certainly be risks, but merely asking the question shakes up the BS tree. I'm certainly not unique and novel in this regard, but I am very assertive about it. And you should be too.

And how do you know "what" you'll get out of something? Earnestly, that's well beyond the scope of this particular post, yet I'd be glad to share more in future writings. But it has a lot to do with goals: what you want for yourself, and what will make you happy while suitably challenging you. And if you've gotten that and more in return, mission accomplished.
 

YOUR LIFE SHOULD BE GEMFUL
Ever seen a necklace that had scintillating diamonds for what seemed like all around, until you turned it a bit and noticed ugly gaps between the stones? A lot of lives have even more fleeting highlights than that, similar to Adam Sandler's woes in Click.

Remember this: time spent doing something you don't like or being with someone you don't like (or in rare-but-known cases, doing someone you don't like) is time stolen from things you'd rather do, people you love, places you should be. I've said this before, but why pointlessly argue with combative strangers when you can make new friends elsewhere?

Weighing what to do may seem like an encumbrance of decisions, but they pay for themselves. And usually, you don't have to do anything at all. Remember what I said about apathy? Like sealing the clasp of the necklace around your neck — or Mr. T-style bling, if you're into that — it all ties in together.

By responding to what you consider valuable, you encourage more like it. By freeing yourself of unnecessary burdens (invented problems) by outright not caring and dropping/forgetting/neglecting/ignoring them, you have more energy (physical, mental, emotional, even spiritual — it's all connected) to pursue what you really care about. This is simple sense. A "gemful" life is simply that, one full of sparkling moments that'll be treasured for all your time on this earth.

And isn't that worth chopping the slop for?