One of the more fun things for me to observe during a workday is how I get referred to in company emails and varied correspondence. I'd say half of the time, I'm a "she" (Torley Jr. and other), and the other half, I'm a "he" (Torley Sr. et al.). That's roughly, because on rare occasion, I'm an "it" (some of the androgynous forms I take) too. Which is right? All are; I'm comfortable with my First and Second Lives, and lacking a better word at the present, if you really aren't sure, just call me Torley. Thanxies — ah, maybe someday I shall tell the tale of how I came to acquire this in my vocabulary, too — I love origin stories.
Speaking of, I can't ever underestimate the power of context: the pronoun someone chooses may rightfully have to do with the most recent avatar they saw me as, like Dillon Morenz observed:
I just use the one most applicable to the avatar I saw you wearing last.
or when they first met me (I've gone through phases, starting in Sept. '04 as a guy av), or if they've just heard my certified male voice on a video tutorial. Mix it up, it's all good!
I can't believe it's been four (4) days since I last blogged. Yup, work's been keeping me busy. Lots-o' excitement swirling 'round. Never time to be bored at Linden Lab, nor in Second Life, for that matter.
But now, since it's the weekend, I can kick back and relax.
Nice to see you looking here. o.O
{ 9 comments… read them below or add one }
It's generally polite virtual etiquette to use the avatar's last sighted gender, unless they've expressed some other preference, or unless for some reason there's some burning requirement to refer to the person at the keyboard as distinct from the person inworld.
@Tat: Outta curiosity, do you know of other sources where it cites this? Has anyone written a leaflet on "virtual etiquette" which includes this guideline? Perhaps you have?
Yeah, I occasionally get called "he" in world although in SL, I am not a "he." I would hate it if someone in rl started calling me "she" or "girl" and I find that when I'm in world, I hate being called "he" just as much. I chose to live my SL as a female, simply because I thought it would be an interesting experience. I've already been doing the male thing, since birth. Seeing how the other half lives seemed interesting and it has been. I ended up being honest about my RL gender to keep from hurting other people, but when I'm in SL I wish to be immersed in the experience and being called "he" kind of drags me out of it. To me, my avatar is just the body I use in the virtual world of SL.
@Grizzy: Insightful, and if you've ever been in a situation where someone called you "he" inworld intentionally and pejoratively — even while being aware of your wishes — that's disrespectful and low of them, no question about it.
I, too, share your "female experiential" while inworld; in earlier months, it was clearer to call me "she" in SL, but I've since mixed it up a lot more.
Second Life offers us an ever-expanding canvas for self-exploration. I've chosen to take advantage of that. For me, I often say, "I've already done that before, now I'm onto something new."
After knowing some TS and genderbender people in RL, I've learned to just either ask which is preferred or to use the one that best applies to the current appearance. In SL I stick with presentation.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gender-neutral_pronoun
When trying to keep up with the rapidly changing genders of some of my friends, I've simply resolved to calling either by thier name, or referring to them as 'they'.
Example "I saw a watermelon the other day, and thought Torley would love it. They said they loved them, so I picked one up for them."
Sounds tacky and secretive I know, but I've never been in an akward situation where I put someone offside by referring to them as something they werent playing as.
But Storm makes a good point – I'm normally corrected by the person I refer to as 'they', and they tell me what they like being referred to as. From then on in, thats how I work it.
(I'm too nice/shy to come straight out and ask them)
@Storm: I remember looking at that pronoun matrix; I emerged confused. I know "it" is usually used for animate objects, but I like it for two Stephen King reasons: (1) the eponymous book and (2) the end of Pet Semetary.
@Nanaki: When in doubt, GO FOR PLURALS! Hey, that makes total sense with me too… I am a they! I may come to like this the most, yet.
It was something I was taught when I logged onto my first virtual world about 20 years ago. Just one of those things. The Web, of course, was not an available resource, so I don't know if these things are written anywhere.
Most of the old ones allowed you to set your avatar gender to male, female, plural, neuter or other so that scripts could select appropriate pronouns.
Avatar gender to plural… I like that!