Risk of exposure

2009-06-18

A favorite thing about the Internet is how it empowers people with all manner of niche interests to connect. It's still harder than it should be in many respects, but as more blogs and portals continue popping up, obsessively focused with a particular topic (and parodies thereof), it keeps getting progressively easier. You just may find the one other person on the planet who cares about a certain strain of Hungarian tea as much as you do — maybe even more.

I hope this will also make broadly easier for people to express their true interests. Sometimes we don't divulge them because our "friends" will shame us; especially if we hail from a small town or conservative community, that may be all we have, physically. You should always be able to tell your friends what you really care about, and if there's repeated awkwardness or discomfort, perhaps it won't last. This is acceptable, because like some magnificent rock bands, you "jam" together for a few years and create magic, then conflicts erupt, the band breaks up, life moves on. You see this in the workplace too, where someone grows bored and seeks new challenges.

How quaint we are: we crave novelty yet desire stability.

Recently on Twitter, I asked:

Would you lose 50 eggs to gain 100 chickens?

AndrewJY answered:

@torley I would most definitely lose 50 eggs to gain 100 chickens, because then I could have 100 eggs later on.

Simple clarity, and so true. But as persuasion guru Robert Cialdini and others have pointed out, "people are more motivated by the thought of losing something than by the thought of gaining something of equal value". (In this case, I deliberately disproportioned what's to be gained.) Even if that can mean far more abundant goods, and good. So it is with "friends" and those we associate with.

Oh, how hard it is to break the cycle. Ohh, how difficult it is to get away from what you've become used to everyday of your life. You wonder if it'll be worth it, you may question if you'll find better people in your life to be close to. Without the risk of exposure, you'll never know.

There've been times when I originally took a neutral position amongst a group, then became more opinionated in one way or another. I didn't want to cause a ruckus, but grew my confidence over time — as well as the reasons for supporting my belief. Dissent happened and that caused me unease, but I felt better about being able to speak out. I lost some people in my life, only to find new ones who understood me better. And in turn, others who were afraid but agreed watched me, and they grew stronger too. Eventually, some of them began to speak out.

This applies not just to great social causes, but casual little things too.

They're all connected. Always have been, always will.

{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }

Lorimae Undercroft 2009-06-19 at 10:23 AM UTC

Your posts like this always hit home and make me feel a little better each time I read :)

<3

John Lopez 2009-06-19 at 10:55 AM UTC

I think you will enjoy this: http://www.ted.com/talks/qi_zhang_s_electrifying_organ_performance.html

If you aren't watching, it sounds like a full orchestra. The merit of a grand piano is the ability to produce a *specific* sound perfectly, no emulation required. The merit of synthetic sound is the ability to create something else, something that I think has as much merit as a traditional piano does.

Yes it is different, but different is how progress is made. I doubt that traditional pianos will ever "die", because there will always be demand for the specific sound and expressiveness of the traditional piano. I would argue this performance is expressive as well.

Kevin Barbieux 2009-06-20 at 12:31 PM UTC

Gee Torley, that is so true. I see this in poor and homeless people. It is often hard for them to give up what little they do have, even when others promise better things ahead. And it's also true of wealthy people, who are afraid to sacrifice even a small portion of what they have, even though it could bring a great improvement in someone elses life.

Maggie Darwin 2009-06-21 at 9:10 PM UTC

I've seen 100 chickens.

I don't want to feed them, and I certainly don't want to smell them. :-)

Eggs, please. :-)

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