"It's 5 AM and I'm so tired. I need to stay awake, keep myself alert to catch this next outbound flight from YVR into the heart of the Graylands. What awaits me, I don't know, but I need to keep moving. I'm booked to perform a show at Hotel Pouchebonne tonight, and while I know it's but a hollow shell of its former glorious self, the regulars I used to know still frequent the place. Hmph, music… giving them some glimmers of salvation in their living hell. I think I'll lay down awhile and dream of happier times, knowing those days will never come back, but hoping for some new security, some stability in this crazy world…"
I had a vision recently in which I found myself in an amalgamation of most of the post-apocalyptic scenarios I've ever read and seen; within this scene (which was so clear), I walked into a piano saloon, in the lobby of some devastated hotel, and found many downtrodden faces — some clearly imbibing themselves into irreversible toxicity. Try as I might, I could not play "purely happy songs", and everything that spilled out reflected the zeitgeist of this troubled, ruined time. Yet, it was strangely uplifting.
What you are about to hear (and see, as my body movements do communicate this too) is piano music I've improvised that explores a lesser-seen part of me, the part that is drawn to the darkness of fantastic horror — sources like the ubiquitous Stephen King, but also Hellraiser and Books of Blood by Clive Barker, and my adoration for some really creepy, chime-laden movie scores like John Carpenter's Halloween, Fred Myrow's Phantasm, and even the moodier sections of Mike Oldfield's "Tubular Bells" (the intro theme of which was used for The Exorcist, altho certainly containing broad moments of gaiety in later movements). I also took inspiration from some J-Horror, not just movies, but gothic influences of classic games like Castlevania. It isn't a coincidence either that I effected my lighting to look like a Saw set, see? Or perhaps, even reminiscent of NIN's "The Perfect Drug", in all its absinthe-tinged madness.
I began to think of (some of) the saddest things possible, and let those emotions run through my fingertips. At points, it was like a sinister mirror image of Liberace was staring back at me, bearing gems plundered from the murdered and a "fur" coat of human flesh. I couldn't help, in my darker moments, to smile at him, so it was certainly not all serious — black comedy helps us deal with depression and death, but also runs the risk of perpetuating itself into a helpless cycle of laughing about the things we can do nothing about.
Such Great Sadness is partitioned into 6 movements. I won't claim that each one is sadder than the last, but each one of them explores a different "flavor" of that void in your soul, where your worst fears are always living, and if you step in, they might just grab you and tear you to pieces…
MOVEMENT I: Closing hours
I performed until I could perform no more, or at least I thought so. Where my mind was gone, my body was present, and I continued to share my songs, so that I might keep traveling…
MOVEMENT II: Shredded fabric
Without clothes, we are naked. Without courage, we are afraid. In desperate times, humans can perform incredible acts of self-sacrifice, but at what cost?
MOVEMENT III: Blood & tears
Liquid courses through us all. Common bonds unite us to rise up against challenges. But what happens when mutual distrust threatens to divide us?
MOVEMENT IV: Forbidden flight
On my way to the next city in a small private copter, I closed my eyes and saw us together, smiling. Good communication is fundamental to a healthy relationship, but when the world's social networks have shattered, it's not easy.
MOVEMENT V: Sustainance/survival
The cold weather plays tricks with your senses. It distorts space and time, and locks your good judgment in an isolated cell. Don't turn on yourself.
MOVEMENT VI: Lost again
Time, oh precious time. An hour to say whatever you want to the one you care most about. And after that, you'll be separated again. Make it count, and have faith — this isn't the end.
On my right hand, what you can see hanging down sometimes is a bracelet which my beloved wife gave me. It terrifies me even more that I didn't see her in my visions, and I wonder what became of her. In light of that, interspersed between the pieces of this puzzle, you'll find rays of happiness, moments where I know I just won't give up and will continue to search for her, from piano bar to piano bar, making my way across the remains of a charred civilization.
Thankfully, that isn't reality, nor should it be. But day to day, tragedy somehow finds a way into our lives —
Friend, or friend-to-be, if you are feeling down, or perhaps have experienced the loss of a loved one, then perhaps you can relate to these. My goal in sharing them is not to make you sadder, but to help you realize that even within the most overwhelming of sadnesses, there is greatness — some call it "the triumph of the human spirit", I call it being too damned stubborn to give up. And I hope these musics will move and touch you, and help guide you back to brightness.
"FEAR is a powerful motivator, but LOVE is even greater."
So sad and beautiful… absolutely enchanting. Loved them.
Any chance of getting audio downloads of these?
Wow. I watched all of your tutorials for second life and I was amazed by your bright sense of humor and how much you think like I do. Seeing your melancholy side rounds you out and makes the impression that much better. You're one of those people I feel like I KNOW somehow, like if I tried to describe your personality, I'd hear echo's of all of the times people have told me something about myself. Keep on, Torley. Stubbornness is an underrated virtue ^_^
haha! I love the sound clip, the Madness of Torley Linden purely satisfying.
So as you have put so much energy into us reading this, I thought I'd respond and give you my perception and "spit my shit" buddy!
Such great sadness, sectioned into six movements, while exploring the soul,
We dive into your soul.
-MOVEMENT I: Closing hours-
"I performed until I could perform no more, or at least I thought so. Where my mind was gone, my body was present, and I continued to share my songs, so that I might keep traveling…"
Travelling, inspiring, look at the comments even I am guilty of doing what I will mention.
People apologising for not being able to pay attention to your content. "Melon SNOOOW! Time travel give's you much to gain" with the reality of that factor, we can only engage as and when the intance happens.
Some people would look at it and not care, the fact is you do, you give your world you weild to your audience, full heart, soul, and energy to the last extent.
Will anyone care about you as much as you care about them?
(1 of 6 Blogland is daunted at first by Torley's movement, to me this shows when is closing time? The amount of people you engage with, the list never ends. You want to keep giving, and you never know who is at the recieving end.)
-MOVEMENT II: Shredded fabric-
"Without clothes, we are naked. Without courage, we are afraid. In desperate times, humans can perform incredible acts of self-sacrifice, but at what cost?"
We fear change, to embrace changes on a vast level suppresses the motive to find strength elsewhere, does this lead to insanity.
There will always be dreams but to act is of independance and is of moving instance of mind to the real world, content is what you supply, do not lose your head my friend while questioning the unquestionable.
(2 of 6 Blogland is feeling powerfully moved by Torley's and music playing while he is lifted to inspiration)
-MOVEMENT III: Blood & tears-
"Liquid courses through us all. Common bonds unite us to rise up against challenges. But what happens when mutual distrust threatens to divide us?"
Beauty is threatened by greed, mutual distrust is a strong conundrum, this is a powerful song. Come on Torley! You're the DADDY! whatever will be will be, the fact you care, and that every moment you breath is another essence in life that the hands and feet only you can control lives to weild your purpose.
(3 of 6 Blogland hopes Torley can find the Key to his problem, I hope you'll never stop, for this is your footprint in the sands of the internet.)
-MOVEMENT IV: Forbidden flight-
"On my way to the next city in a small private copter, I closed my eyes and saw us together, smiling. Good communication is fundamental to a healthy relationship, but when the world's social networks have shattered, it's not easy."
Mr popular, on a private helicopter! This song is tense, and broken yet fixes for the duration of the song. This is a masterpeice.
(4of 6 Blogland is surprised Torley think's this much, Blogland has become confused.com)
-MOVEMENT V: Sustainance/survival-
"The cold weather plays tricks with your senses. It distorts space and time, and locks your good judgment in an isolated cell. Don't turn on yourself."
This song sounds EVIL I love it!
(5 of 6 Who could word it better?)
-MOVEMENT VI: Lost again-
"Time, oh precious time. An hour to say whatever you want to the one you care most about. And after that, you'll be separated again. Make it count, and have faith — this isn't the end."
The irony of it, I had to reload the page, the sound was lost.
How to word yourself, how to express your body language? How to make that 1 person feel the maximum effect from your action's. The fact of being able to connect face to face is the most powerful instance and not to become overwhelmed is truely gratisfying.
(6 of 6 This is the best of them all, emotional, powerful in all expression of love. YOU KNOW IT TORLEY! This made me smile so bad!)
Torley, this was massive especially with your ending comment, thankyou, if i had millions you are someone who causes an impact in my life, and is another person I would share it with.
I'll try and catch you at the watermelon this friday, oh my you're a superstar in your own state, hope this isn't too time consuming!
"FEAR is a powerful motivator, but LOVE is even greater."
-and Opportunity opens doors of confusion HAHA! Have a good week!
@Jacek: I just recorded them as movies, not MP3s… so sadly the sound is in mono and a bit lo-fi but if you use any YouTube downloader that can convert the audio track too, that should work. Thanks!
@Stephany: "Seeing your melancholy side" is really something I needed to hear, I think, because most people are familiar with my positive energy, not so much with the more calm, mellow, or even depressing/darker moments. But I am a human being and unapologetic for it, and I encompass a rather wide variety of emotions too. II'll keep being persistent. Thank-you.
@Blogland: I think that's like, the most detailed analysis/commentary on my music I've ever had to my blog. It's stuff like this that makes me happy and erodes any initial self-doubt I may have had about sharing. "Opportunity opens doors of confusion", eh? That's great… I gotta use that more.
The movements of each are very good and moving. I espcially like the last one the melody, the chords, and the tempo. The last of the movements Lost Again is truly great.
@Kenny: Thanks a lot for listening and letting me know! *big smile*
Hey, it's been a while since I've been here. I sent you an e-mail ages ago asking for sheet music for The Games We Played. Anyway, I was looking through my e-mail inbox archive and I saw how I used to be suscribed to your site but I never got around to checking it out.
The first thing I did was go to your music section (because that's what I came for originally) and I found this. I just want to say that this is very moving, absolutely beautiful. I especially like the last movement, which provided a rather uplifting end to all of that, as if to say, "There's still hope after all."
In short, this was very nice. Is there a way I can get this in an audio format? I'm afraid of downloading the video and ripping it like that—I'm afraid that I won't get the best quality (I believe YouTube compresses its files? I'm not sure if it's lossless or not).
~ Iggy
@Iggy: Thanks for asking! Alas, the only recording I have of this is pretty similar to the less-than-pristine quality you heard on YouTube; I recorded it with a mono built-in mic on my MacBook Pro, which was somewhat warbly. If you need to convert it to WAV tho, I suggest using something like http://www.idesktop.tv or http://www.zamzar.com . Great use of italics in your comment, I'm so very fond of them.