the sad death of ryan

Posted on: July 19, 2004
I just read this over at the [i:Vibes] site before going to bed?and it's really sad. When he was alive, Ryan ran the pretty spiffy site called SonicControl.com. I was a regular visitor to the site, and I had just emailed him a few weeks ago to cheer him on for his interview with Gabriel & Dresden, which I really enjoyed. He emailed me back with warm words. When I read this news about a "Ryan", I didn't think it was him until I read on and it was all made too soberingly clear. His death at a young age (24!?!) is a shock and I wish his fam all the best in these dark times.
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Death is unfortunately a part of… life… as eerie as that sounds, and when it comes so suddenly and in the "blink of an eye", those can be the most painful moments in the lives of loved ones who are still on Earth. I was reading some very tragic pet loss stories lately and they made me very sad. I also was reading up on grieving after you lose a parent. Of course, my Dad died almost a year ago (at this time during last year he was in the hospital, unable to really walk or anything). I think that still haunts me deeply and fuels my obsession with the macabre at present, so I may find some peace in the unease and unrest I feel. I'm a really happy guy most of the time, but even I have to deal with the demons in me . . . which usually end up being manifested through music.
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It's hard but you gotta be progressive. I mean, what else is there to live for after you've accepted that someone who used to sit in that chair in front of you is no longer coming back to work on his income tax returns? I had a dream during a mid-day nap about "family movie night" when I was a kid. We were watching an alternate version of Kill Bill 2 for some reason.?My Dad never related much to the movies or cared for them except for moments like Keystone Kops-type humor (and yeah, he was a big fan of Judge Judy), but he sat and watched nonetheless?and not having his presence around just jars me. What would Dad say about Donald Trump's The Apprentice? He looked up to The Donald before I ever did and it might have been one of those rare shows we could both sit down and get something out of. I'll never know now. Surreal.
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I am coming to better terms with my identity as Torley Wong. ALTERNATIVELY, TORLEY CHONG.?:-)

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