Let me explain more. Out of my many (10,700 and counting) posts on the SL Forums, a good deal have to do with criticism, and what could be better in Second Life. I've been especially hard on issues like Telehubs (SCROO 'EM!), foot shadows, and useability problems like texture loading. Those posts tend to go forgotten in time, though, while the slightest mention of "Torley is happy about something" gets lifted right to the top!

I am moving towards a balance on the whole. One reason why I am so happy today, is in the years before, I was absolutely not! I was depressed and went through one personal tragedy after another, which culminated in the death of my Dad, and then the loss of my good hearing. I simply became depressed with being depressed.

It came time for me to reverse the flow, and do something about my life. And here I am, today.

Now, that doesn't mean I'm immune to destructive behaviors. I like to vent when I am frustrated, like I'm sure a lot of people do. I do it creatively, though. Something I just realized, subconsciously, is this: in response to textures not loading quickly enough for me, I "vented" out my own textures to share. So that when they do load, like a baby being born, there is joy after the pain. After I released "Torley Texture Bundle 1"—please ask me for a free copy!—I started working on a 2nd installment. It's almost done. And it's that friction that keeps me going, even when I am tired.

Also, it's in those fatigued moments that I find something beautiful about the world that I haven't talked about before, or I have, from a different angle. Like the magical process of rock tumbling, each side of the stone gets smoother, and I'm more refined as a person. This isn't elusive, and the connections are all here.

I understand there's anger. I know all about lag being like arthritis for avatars. These things, I have felt. I intimately tap into the source, and I can complain about the problems. And beyond that, I can do something about them. This isn't some airy-fairy powerdust, but realistic, pragmatic approaches. I may appear whimsical, but that style is nothing without the pairing of substance, and perhaps it's accurate to call myself my own worst critic. And while I am happy, that's only a slice of the emotions I go through.