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"The choice is yours,
It's the hardest truth you faced.
Start today,
You can't afford to break,
Don't leave it all to fate."
-NuBreed & Luke Chable, "One Day"

Dear Diary (metaARG-protocol #2086),

I'm typing this journal entry before I go to sleep.? (It's strange?not using a neurotactical interface to?write.)? I'm so tired and have had a day full of adventures. I sleep in the Midnight City dumpster. —One would think it is a very cold and lonely place to be.? In some ways I feel that sometimes, because of who I was, the past haunts me. —But what?the picture I pasted on this page (above) doesn't show is that my dumpster rests among many other buildings.? So my home is not alone, and neither am I — the citizens of Midnight City have really made me feel welcome ever since I came to town in search of my Dad.? (Some of my MC friends have been lost to a digital proglem known as "WoW".? I hope they will be liberated soon –?if not, I will have to intevene. :)?)? They were really cool to him too.? *PREENY* Aimee even set up a mailbox for my old man, and after he disappeared, I moved in. —As you can see, I added a floor and some other furnishings to make it feel "more at home".

Sometimes, I get asked why I choose to sleep in a dumpster.? One reason is?'cuz?because it reminds me of my roots and keeps me humble. —Let me explain: I wasn't born in a trush trash can or anything like that; in fact, I had a really sweet bedroom as a kid. —But, my Father always told me, "Keep your head down while looking up." —It's good advice because even though it sounds like is a contradikction, it keeps you levelled and focus ed?on the vital things.

So, what's vital to me?? Human connections.? I am sooo thankful to be here in the Second Life gridverse in this timeline. —After chronocasting?and arriving,?I have made some amazing friends.? Each and every one of them has affected me positively, and I hope to keep doing unto them what they have done to me. —Like a positive feedback loop, ya know?? I don't feel so alone like I did when I was a little girl.? Mind-you, that loneliness was self-imposed… a choice.

I used to sit on the corner on my computer (far more advanced then what I'm seeing nowadays — pfft to sim crossings!) and tell my parents that no one would understand me or want me to be their friend.? When I did have a rare opportunity for social interaction, I'd lash out?at the other kid and throw a temper tantrum, just to be alone again. —It hurts me to think about that because I was making a conscious choice only to cause not only myself, but others, more pain.? (A negative feedback loop.)? It hurt my Dad too, to see his daughter this way.? It took a long time for me to realize that, as much of a nomad and a loner I am at heart, there are choices I can make in this life, and there are things I can consciously do if I really push myself to the edge and "leap off" without a second thought. —Rewinding, I thought to myself: I've?done plenty of thinking already.? I'm ready to fly now.

And that was around?the turbulent time?when I was chosen to make?the leap through space and time into the current?reality?known as "Second Life". —My Dad had dissa disappeared. Selected as the candidate with the least risk of death from chronodistortion (wowee does that sound phun ), I got the message, and flipped back. —A test of mind, matter, spirit, soul — whatever, it was a test of me. —I soon?came face to face with many fears:?The Welcome Area (greeting new people, eeek!), clubs (I'm?agoraphobic), shopping for clothes (it was hard to find stuff in my colors before I was blessed by my friends), and… LOVE.

About love….. it's something I can be afraid to admit, but I know it's inside of me. —I've given?love?in the past, sparingly and stingily.? I guess I'm just so muxed up about it sometimes 'cuz I have always pushed it aside to focus on my work (cyberpunk princess, picotech advocate, Technomusicologist-in-training, etc.). —Historically, it's been hard for me to show heart: I had put up a wall and expected others to scale it, when in fact, I had to be the one to take the first steps towards knocking it down.

My Daddy gave me unconditional love, and he helped me approach the wall. —I still?miss my Daddy lots.? Sometimes I cry at night thinking about him.? I wonder if I'll ever see him again. —I love him unconditionally too?and although it's not my place in the spacetime continuum to save him, I hold dear to my heart that we will hug each other again, and that I can share everything with him.? One day.

And in the here and now, you know who I love? —I love Jade Lily.? She… is soooo wonderful.? She works as a?librarian at the purply SL Public Library, but not only just. —She's also a?fancy programmer and an upstanding Mentor and member of the SL?community, but beyond all that professionalism, as a fellow?human being,?I.. I?cherish her because she has been so loving to me.? When I was beginning to loosen the bricks of the wall around my heart, she came forward with a sledgehammer Seburo and helped me to realize what was there all along but was hidden behind the wall. —Sometimes, we're both busy and we can't spend as much time together as we'd like. —That's okay, because I know the future is a big place and I always look forward to the next time. —It only makes me appreciate her more.

It was one day that?we chose to be together, and since then, I have realized new things about the both of us that would have seemed like some arcane language or gobbledygook I couldn't di decipher before. —My love is known to say "If I don't have the answer to your question, I'll know where to find it."? She's right! —Jade, being such a bookworm, has helped me translate these "ancient texts" and as we bask in the revelations together, the timing couldn't be more perfect.

When Jadey holds me, I'd say it's like time stands still — but I know it doesn't, plus this is a trite and cheesy expression.? I will instead say this: I am happy.? And beyond that, I don't have words.

Goodnight Diary. —Plenty of adventures to come. —^_^

???? … xxxoo TT (-jr.)
?

P.S. I'm gonna print a lullabye my Dad read to me lots before I slept.?Maybe it's too cheery and unrealistic, but…. I'm thinking now, after all of these years… maybe he had a point.

"The sun always rises
The moon always shines
And in the end
Everything will be fine! :)"
-Torley Sr.