We are stranger than we think
Posted on: September 25, 2008"Normal" is not what we think. We will never be able to tell for sure unless we can probe the depths of every human mind, but let's start with you: what do you keep locked in your head that you dare not share?
(I refer not just to sexual fantasies, altho certainly, they are a fundamental aspect of our humanity.)
I sometimes lament that the world of business is more boring than it could/should be because so many people put up with crap and "put on airs". I hate it when companies spew PR BS. I abhor feigning interest at social gatherings — it's an insult to passion. It's disgusting how we try to dignify ourselves with expensive suits, which is a subtle way of escaping that we are all naked underneath.
Expensive suits look great and yes, they make an impression. But they're nothing if not worn by a human who's amazing and showing this openly.
Mediocrity is "normal", what's tragically expected. "Normal" is bland. "Normal" is "this is not who I really am, it's who I try to be to fit in with others". All the while, those "others" are thinking the same thing. And so on it goes, an ever-revolving round of charades. People pretending, wearing unnecessary masks — not for entertaining theatre, but at a large compromise to their lives.
Fitting in isn't always bad. But when we repress ourselves to avoid being criticized even slightly, it hides the wonderful quirks beneath.
I think all those wasteful layers are a sickness. And the cure is to strip away all the disease that hides our earnest beauty. For the good in us is obscured, too, when we aren't… who we really are.
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September 25th, 2008 at 8:35 PM PDT
Excellent post Torley. I find myself all too often wearing masks to impress or fit in in my own career field. Thanks for the reminder that we DO have a choice to break free and release our own unique personalities upon the world
September 26th, 2008 at 9:26 AM PDT
Great post Torey. I've always felt that everyone is strange or unique. Those appearing to be normal are just putting on a show because they are afraid of what others will think.
It is painful to hold back so I minimize my time spent with the large number of humans that can't handle truth. Luckily I have found a great group of friends that can.
I've found a lot of people in Second Life to be open minded. Not sure if it's because of anonymous identity or just the type of people that are into SL. Probably both.
September 26th, 2008 at 11:56 AM PDT
I totally agree, Torley. I'm pretty sure there's no such thing as 'normal'. We all have our little foibles. I personally love eccentric folks and am a bit eccentric myself. I used to compare myself to others and worry about it, but now I do not give a fig and am much happier.
Actually, I was thinking about you today because a women came into the RL library where I work asking for books on Asperger's. So I found her a good one, and she asked: "Does this explain the disease?" I said something like, "Well it's not really a disease, more a different kind of neurology", and she looked at me like I was barmy! Oh well, I tried. :S
September 26th, 2008 at 4:27 PM PDT
"Normal" is a compromise which allows us get along as a society, and keeps us sane.
Put 20 people in a room and somehow make them stop being normal, and act like their "true selves".
I think you'd have 1, maybe 2, who'd be happy and funny and lovable. There would be about 5 who'd be trying to physically attack others. The rest would be sitting alone, crying.
September 26th, 2008 at 6:51 PM PDT
I don't think anyone is saying to turn off your filter 100% and to do anything you want with no consideration for others. That's just being obnoxious not honest! It's natural to earn trust over time, as you get to know someone you get a feel for their limits.
What we can do is try and be more honest and open. This will inspire others to do the same through example. Why? Because life can be a lot more interesting and meaningful this way. Things can be learned, connections can be made that otherwise might not have been.
This conversations reminds me a little of the Mad Tea Party Skit from SNL:
http://video.aol.com/video-detail/mad-tea-party-skit/1163548497
September 27th, 2008 at 8:35 PM PDT
'Normal' is relative, really. Ever see those T-shirts that the goth kids wear that say "You laugh at me because I'm different. I laugh at you because you're all the same."?
I always thought it would be funny to wear that T-shirt to a goth club. With unblemished blue jeans, white sneakers and minimal makeup. And see if anybody got the joke.
I don't want to spend all that money on a T-shirt for one prank, though. So I just live with the thought of it. Sometimes, that's just as good as actually doing it.
There was a point to that, kinda–'normal' changes according to context, anyway. A normal outfit for a business lunch would be an abnormal outfit for an athletic event. So if you're feeling unable to be who you are in a certain situation, maybe the best solution is to just remove yourself from that situation.
Nice thing about SL, though–if you find yourself out of place, you can change outfits on the spot. I even swapped genders when I wound up in a club that turned out to be a women's only club. (I hadn't been aware when I accepted the teleport–I would have changed beforehand if I'd known!)
September 28th, 2008 at 7:05 AM PDT
@Georgette: Oh you tried indeed! But that's the start of it — repeating a message you believe in, whether it's advertising or for social rights, will get it broader acceptance. I believe we have different neurotypes as we do physical body forms.
@theBlackUrchin: Aye, "earn trust over time" is the way to go. And by the time someone looks back, they'll realize how far they've gone to trust you.
I see "normal" as relative, dependent on context (e.g., "what are measuring it to?"), but identifiable by how far away it is from the edge: normal doesn't cause strong, extreme emotions.
This makes me think of how teens behave differently around their peers than their parents.
@CyFishy: Those shirts CRACK me up!
Incidentally, some of those women's only clubs are posting rules that if they spot genderbenders, you'll be banned on the spot — it intrigues me to see how rules are enacted in response to events.
September 28th, 2008 at 9:19 AM PDT
Incidentally, some of those women's only clubs are posting rules that if they spot genderbenders, you'll be banned on the spot — it intrigues me to see how rules are enacted in response to events.
Ouch. Not sure I'd really want to go somewhere like that, given my attitudes towards gender in SL (and, to a degree, in RL) are a little more flexible. (Insert plug for Gender Freedom Day in Digital Worlds, October 25.) I kinda understand the desire for having a space of one's own and all, but I'm also vaguely reminded of the "Women's Support Group" scene in Chuck Palahniuk's Haunted, in which one of the participants is apparently a transsexual, and, um, it ends badly.
September 30th, 2008 at 7:12 AM PDT
[quote: Torley]
"For the good in us is obscured, too, when we aren't… who we really are."
Profound! What is it that is locked in my head? Who am I really?
…Great questions!
Mahalo